My Hypocritical Masochistic Side

What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?

You were destined to have a Red Lightsaber.Red is the color of fire and blood, so it is associated with energy, war, danger, strength, power, and determination as well as passion and desire. You have seen the Strength and Power of the Dark Side of the Force and have you thirst for more of it. Also, evil will always win over good because good is stupid.
Take this quiz!

...apparently I'm a minion of the dark side. That sorta figures because everything is proceeding as I have forseen.

Genesis in DOS (an excerpt)

And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 3.

C:>LET THE WATERS UNDER HEAVEN BE GATHERED TOGETHER UNTO ONE PLACE AND LET THE DRY LAND APPEAR

Too many characters in specification string. Try again.

C:>CREATE DRY_LAND

Done.

C:>RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH

C:>LET THE EARTH PRODUCE FRESH GROWTH, LET THERE BE ON THE EARTH PLANTS

Too many characters in specification string. Try again.

C:>CREATE PLANTS

Done.

C:>RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH

So it was; the Earth yielded fresh growth, plants bearing seed. And God saw that there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 3.

The rest of this joke is a bit long but very funny... especially great for us old DOS fans=)

Tequila!

I was so tickled by my friend Shel’s post about tequila last week that I was inspired to organize a tequila-shot night at our friend’s house last Friday! (I say ‘organized’ but really all it really came down to was my saying, “Honey, could you pick up a bottle of tequila tonite?” My mad organizational skillz there, lol)

I had a lot of fun and am willing to place the evening in the ‘win’ category for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was the fact that no one vomited. Score!

The last time I had attempted anything like this I was literally a teenager still and the results were spectacularly colorful, so much so that the people who lived there (which strangely didn’t include anyone who was drinking that night) had to move soon thereafter. Again, I’m very sorry Carrie and Jack. Ick.

I think because we paced our shots and had fun with it rather than charging through the whole bottle that the experience was so nice. (The licking of the salt got to be especially interesting.)
Anyways, I had a great time and though I am sure it will not become a regular event I can see tryin again sometime… when the stars align again perhaps=)

And so it is...

Its that time of year again in the Taylor household. Birthdays all clustered up, expensive holidays on the way and the grand-daddy most expensive holiday of all looming, X-mas. So Monday before school I went about dropping my resume off at various places in random and unrequited fashion. Bleh.

All that time in the car inspired me to create a new mp3 compilation disk, but what was gonna be the theme? (These things don’t always need a theme, but, when the concept enters the equation, the compiler will deny it at his peril.) I then remembered I had been meaning to make an entire 700MB mp3 disk out of nothing but covers. Difficult you say? Well, yeah, in the sense that it’s difficult to find good covers.

"it's difficult to find good covers..."

I mean, if they were any good, we would have heard about them by now, ja? Naw, besides the many that I had in my own ill-gotten collection, the vast majority of covers floating around are tinny-sounding live pieces or they are from the ska/punk world, which, while viable for this compilation are to my mind in a category unto themselves.

Being an acoustic guitar fan, the little ditty at the bottom here quickly became the vanguard for me, so much so that I decided to refine the various OCD-required categories that all music can be filed into. I call this the “Covering Artist Changes The Tone (And Thereby The Genre) Of A Ho-Hum Song And The World Is Enriched Because Of It” category. I’m, uh… having trouble thinking of another example though I was fairly sure there are others=) This is where you (hypothetical reader) can help me (soaking-wet ninja) by telling me your favorite covers. Just drop me an e-mail at the asshat addy or my home addy or leave em in the comments. Thanks for the help=)

Fun w/ Tiles

Pholph's Scrabble Generator Our Scrabble© Score is: 33. What is your score? Get it here.

I couldn't help myself when I saw this=)

Motivations

It’s been mentioned to me that my weight loss motivations and goals have never been clearly or fully expressed here. Allow me to now correct this glaring oversight.
There are three main reasons or rather three categories from which reasoning can be gleaned. It should also be noted straight away and with no ambiguity whatsoever that neither healthfulness nor health in general had anything to do with wanting to lose weight.

1. Fighting robot-ninja-jedis ala cheesy HK action flicks filmed in my backyard.
This one has been mentioned a couple times in the course of this blog and remains firmly entrenched in my noggin and I need to be in shape in order to have my shirt ripped off me by an evil robot-ninja-jedi.

"my shirt ripped off me by an evil robot-ninja-jedi..."

A constant source of motivation, ideas for the filming of this are constantly being refined pretty much every time I see an action flick or an action flick parody. It’ll be awesome, and all are welcome to participate. Seriously, we got a decent camera so that part is covered. (Although its kinda MIA doin’ a different kind of filming *wink-wink*). We won’t need serious sound quality because we’re a-gonna dub it all in awful karate-movie fashion and we won’t need a serious costume budget, because, hey, all of its gonna get tore up anyways=) Truly, a film experience for the ages.

2. Be able to put my fricken wedding ring on without having to use the Jaws of Life and a quart of vasoline.
This one is covered in my immediately previous post and it’s also fairly self-explanatory. I miss my wedding band. It is another constant source of motivation whenever I see my darling wife wearing hers or I happen to notice my friends’ rings.

3. I want to look good naked.
“Are you like me? Do you have low self-esteem when it comes to your physical appearance? If you answered ‘yes’ then this program is for you. Call now and you too can learn how true inner beauty can be found blah, blah, blah.”
I think that’s just great. Inner beauty is a wonderful thing and it IS an important piece of the ‘happiness’ puzzle. Why, just this morning I clearly saw my friend’s caring, giving nature- her obvious discomfiture at other people’s discomfort and in that moment she struck me as truly beautiful.
But let’s be honest here. It’s not ‘inner beauty’ at all that initially catches our eyes from across the crowded room. Its not Angelina’s or Nicole’s or even Jennifer’s inner beauty that made you watch both Tomb Raider AND Tomb Raider 2, or every single crappy Tom Cruise flick, hoping to catch a glimpse of his savagely attractive (ex-)wife. It wasn’t inner beauty, at all, that made you TiVo that episode of Friends where Rachael takes off her bra on-screen, wearing only a thin, tight shirt afterwards. (BTW, TiVo called… yeah, you owe them for a new remote… you animal)

Ever since I decided for myself that a bit of vanity was a-okay, I have also had time to make myself comfortable with some of the reasoning. I wanna look good naked, dammit. My own, personal, inner beauty could very well be chalk-full of holes, like I’m some kind of narcissistic Scrooge-Grinch-Ann Coutler caricature but the people who are close to me accept me and love me for who I am and I return them the favor. That being said, it matters to me not at all if someone outside my circle of friends thinks I am a shallow dick. In honesty, I am likely both of those things (and more) often enough for the words to stick.

"I don’t go out of my way to be prickish..."

Please don’t misunderstand me; I don’t go out of my way to be prickish but I am human. I am that guy that laughed uproariously at you when you went to leave the bathroom and your drunken partner screamed, “Wash your hands you filthy bastard!” I am that guy with a strong appreciation for the female form and if my gaze should linger on you I honestly meant no offense. I am sure you are a lovely person, inner beauty and all that. I’m sure Angelina, Nicole and Jennifer are all lovely people, however, I don’t know them… and I don’t know you. What I do know is only what I see and some of the things I see are pleasant to behold. The chances of my covering my eyes and then developing an association with someone long enough to recognize their inner beauty without having been exposed to their physical appearance are slim.

For most of us, this is the very definition of first impressions. Something about you must capture a part of me and make me want to get to know you beyond a physical association. Often what we have to rely on is what we see and I want my advertisement, my initial presentation, to look good. Is that superficial? Sure, but only if its taken at face value=)

Milestone

An awesome thing happened to me this morning… “Something wonderful” as my good chum Dave Bowman would have put it. One of the reasons I have for wanting to lose weight was the fact that I could no longer put on my wedding band… in fact, it has been more than two-and-a-half years since I was able to, not since my last shot at quitting smoking. This morning I was able to, without the help of any kind of lubricant, put the dern thing on again. I cannot describe the feeling of elation I got from seeing that gold band on my finger again, feeling its weight and remembering the way it would rub against the two surrounding fingers. I used to play with my ring occasionally, as many of us do. I would cross my palm with my thumb and use it to manipulate the ring or to simply spin it, absentmindedly, in the dent or valley created by its constant presence. It was a familiar feeling, comforting and pleasant even after years of disunion.
Sadly, it was short-lived. You see, the white indention that most people have from the various rings they wear was gone making the ring still a bit uncomfortable for me. But, not to worry, it was positive sign that I was able to slip it on at all, let alone without dish soap or hand lotion greasing the way. It so encouraged me that, after only a little bit of waffling, I jumped into the fricken’ cold pool to do the aerobic portion of my workout. Soon I will be able to put the ring on for good and I swear that little bastid is a-gonna stay on there this time.
Soon, my precious, soooooon....

More Useless Trivia About Me

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Ayuh.

2. Do you close you eyes on roller coasters?
No.

3. When was the last time you went sledding?
10 years ago in GE.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
Always with someone else.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
Ayuh… its sort of a requirement for Catholics. (the HOLY ghost and Lev. 19:31 as just a couple examples)

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
No. Sadly, I am slowly coming to the realization that I am in no way creative. The best I can hope for is to be able to faithfully copy other people’s creations=/

7. O.J. Simpson. Guilty?
Oh, yes… Ain’t America grand.

8. Jennifer or Angelina?
If I cut off one of my pinkies, can I have them both? Obviously not for keepsies… No? Well, Angelina then, but it’s a close one.

9. Can you honestly say you really know anything about politics?
Yeah, but in my own defense I only pay attention long enough to infuriate myself, then I tune out again.

10. Do you know how to play poker?
I do.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Yes… its probably gonna happen again soon if Square/ENIX can get off its ass.

12. What’s your favorite commercial?
It’s a toss up between a British copy-paper commercial (Transformers FTW!)and a ‘Got Milk' commercial where a family watches as an elderly man gets his arms tore off next door. Just take a look at em and it’ll be easy to see why I can’t make up my mind=)

14. If you are driving in the middle of the night, and there is no one around, do you drive through a red light?
Naw, my OCD compels me to obey all traffic laws… it has gotten to the point that if I speed (even slightly) or turn without signaling, I feel like an outlaw.

15. Do you have a secret that no one else knows?
9… 10… 11… 12…14… 15…

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
1939 NY Knights.

17. Have you ever been ice-skating?
Nope.

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
2-3 times a week, generally speaking. (yay, Wellbutrin)

19. What’s the single most important thing on your mind right now?
Nicotine.

20. Do you always wear your seatbelt?
Lol, see question #14.

21. What talent do you wish you had?
I’d dearly love to be able to play a stand-alone instrument (ANY stand-alone instrument) well.

22. Do you like sushi?
Some.

23. What do you wear to bed?
Mostly just my undies. Sometimes less.

24. Do you truly hate anyone?
Naw. I used to think I did, but as my understanding of the word (and concept) became clearer I realized that what I was feeling was not hate. Malevolence, antipathy, resentment, enmity, belligerence… yeah, all of those words are printed on the stationary on which I keep a list.

25. If you could meet one famous person, who would it be?
Hmmm… it depends on what is, er, allowed to happen at this meeting… There are individuals I would like to talk to, take to my bed or just stare at them, basking in their brilliance. There are also those I’d like to beat senseless with a stack of re-released-THX certified-now on DVD-now with new special FX-now with NO special FX-letterboxed-collector’s edition crap that a drunken, syphilitic, two-headed slack-jawed junkslut with Tourett’s could have vomited up. Especially that one. Yeah.

26. Do you know anyone in jail?
Right now? Nope.

27. What food do you find disgusting?
Hmmm… right now Altoids are pissing me off a bit but as for disgusting? I don’t think any that I have run across yet. There are some foodstuffs that I won’t touch, but that’s just because I am a snob. For example, I won’t put ketchup on my mom’s eggrolls and I think the people who would are barbarians.

28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their backs?
I generally do not but when it does happen, I always try to do it in a way that I would be comfortable saying to them, as well as about them. If I can’t do at least that, then I won’t do it at all.

29. Have you ever been punched in the face?
Ayuh. See above.

30. Do you believe in angels and demons?
Absolutely.

Suckiness Abounds

Everything. Seriously. Everything, everyone, everywhere, everywhen… all of it sucks. Those little mints that come in a roll? You know, ‘the freshmakers’? Yeah, Mentos… they suck. Photo-realistic bahamuts? They suck. It all sucks.
People tell me it’s a temporary thing, that the suckiness will fade and I will emerge a new man into a tobacco-free existence. Balls. That’s right, I said, “Balls.”
It’s a common lament, the whole “If I had known how hard it is to quit, I would never have started in the first place.” I’ll go you one better: If I had remembered how hard it was to quit, I wouldn’t have quit. Sure, I would still be all stinky and addicted, but I was relatively happy with it. Well, maybe not happy per se but I wasn’t particularly unhappy. And I had stuff that I could do… Bored? Have a smoke. Hungry? Have a smoke. After sex? After meals? After working out? After a TV show? Awkward pauses in conversation? Just finished killing a bear with your teeth and a penknife that you keep in your colon for just this sort of emergency and you feel entitled to a little reward? In a box with a fox, in a house with a mouse, you could have lit up here or there… you could have smoked up anywhere. Now there’s this vacuum-void-hole-emptiness-lack going on. Its simply a matter of finding another habit to fill the vacancy, preferably one thats a bit healthier, ja? So far, I’ve only found one thing that’s easy-convenient-healthy and that is brushing my teeth. Now I brush my teeth 10 – 15 times a day.
Alright, maybe this is all a combination self-pity, restlessness and detox irritability. Maybe there really is an addiction-free (and stink-free) light at the end of the tunnel. In any case, just composing this has made me feel a bit better, at least until I finish dealing with this grizzly bear.

Candy is Delicious

I'm working my 'happy thoughts' thing but it's not really going so well. You see, I had a 50/50 weekend. Yeah, I know, ‘new leagues of fellowship’, fun and discovery, yadda-yadda-yadda. We had all of that stuff this weekend, plus we celebrated my wife’s birthday on Sunday and I came to an important decision early Monday morning. There were just a few aspects of this weekend’s interactions that left me feeling, well, unvalued and credulous. Don’t get me wrong; this won’t have a substantial effect on the associations I’ve come to prize as I try really hard to not be the guy who’s behavior and opinions are influenced by the behaviors of the peeps around him. It’s also safe to say that my feelings on this matter are probably being… er, aggravated by what I’m doing today.

In any case, wish me luck=) You can send happy energy my way by occasionally telling strangers and friends alike, “The urge to smoke will pass whether you smoke or not.”

Something Neat

Something interesting happened to me today… not ‘interesting’ like, “Wow! Aliens landed in my back yard!” but rather ‘interesting’ like, “Huh… that’s kinda neat.” Lemme start like this: a few years ago I watched a little-heard-of movie called Nightwatch with Ewan McGregor. This little gem was the first film I had seen him in since Trainspotting and was curious to see how he would do in a thriller. Well, I was pleasantly surprised with both him and the movie in general.
With me so far? Gut.
This morning I was watching the few good parts of RotS and seeing someone lose a hand (or two) in an Ewan McGregor flick got me thinking about Nightwatch. (the reasons for this are obvious to anyone who has ever seen it) This led to me thinking about another fairly obscure flick also called Night Watch. It’s another little-heard-of flick released a few years ago in Russia. When I later IMDB’d it, I was delighted to see that it had been released in the US on DVD. With an English language track no less! So, off I went to the video store.

While I was browsing for more flicks to fill out my ‘5 for 5’ combo I ran across Stay, yet another little-heard-of Ewan McGregor flick. That’s it. That was the interesting thing. There were more cyclical coincidences involved but they get rather (more) esoteric from here on out plus, I’m afraid they would only make sense with my own ‘A to B to C’ fuzzy rationale behind them.
Btw, if you find yourself with a couple hours to spare, you should give Stay a shot. It’s a decent retelling of a fairly tired theme, but, it’s the camerawork, cinematography, transitions and attention to detail that really shine here. Don’t expect The Maltese Falcon or an M. Knight Sham-alama-ding-dong masturbatory piece and chances are, you will not be disappointed.

Oh, and if you have seen it and you were wondering (like me) why Ewan’s character is always seen in high-water pants, highlight the rest of this post to find out why. Just a warning tho: it’ll probably be enuf info to constitute a spoiler=)




The reason is this: It’s because when Henry first sees him, Sam is crouching down next to him, and his pants ride up when he does this.

Labor Day

Happy Labor Day everyone. Today I’m feeling pleasantly sore from my varied exertions over the weekend so I think I’m a-gonna take it easy for a bit. I’m supposed to be cleaning our living room but here I am instead, bloggin’ and getting ready to do some video gaming/swimming/working out/ and relaxin’. If I find time in my busy schedule I may even do a bit of slacking.
I sincerely hope everyone has had as pleasant a holiday weekend as I have =)