Wednesday, December 27, 2006

More Than Meets The... sigh...

My oldest son and I watched the new Transformers movie trailer this morning and he is, sadly, enthusiastic. I'm sure you will agree that the event will be stunning visually but for my money it already shows the hallmarks of a crass, soulless, money-grubbing, idiotic escapade. And of course I'll go see it. I will sit in the theater with my friends and my children and I will drink it in knowing that this is the best we are likely gonna get. And a small piece of me will perish during the event, a victim of disappointment and compromise.



btw, my son and I can name damn-near all of the G-1 and -2 Transformers and we could only recognize 2 of em from this trailer... the rest looked like an evil bastardization of Gundam, Gobots (oh, the friggin' humanity) and those crappy claymation robots from Robot Jox.







...of Michael Bay

There can be no doubt: the man has been lobotomized. Indeed, there is no man left. The meat continues to twitch, electrical accidents birthing grotesque jerks in the unknowing beef. It speaks! But it does not give us language. It is like unto the wind blowing through a pile of skulls.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Jack Is Back... You May or May Not Know Him












Being the huge freakin' geek that I am, YDKJ is a guilty pleasure for me from way, way back=)
Enjoy

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Asshats Among Us

"The Muslim representative from Minnesota was elected by the voters of that district and if American citizens don't wake up and adopt the Virgil Goode position on immigration there will likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Koran,"





Rep. Virgil Goode of the Commonwealth of Virginia
postulating on the future of the Democratic process.
















"I will not be putting my hand on the Quran,"


Again, Rep. Virgil Goode of the Commonwealth of Virginia at a news conference Thursday at the Franklin County Courthouse where he was apparently afraid that physical contact with a holy book from outside his own religion would cause the flesh on his hand to curl and smoke.





Honestly, what is the big scare here? What is this guy so afraid of? His asshat grievance is tantamount to saying that I shouldn’t be allowed to swear an oath using a Roman Catholic bible… that the only acceptable thing to swear an official, non-secular, governmental oath on would be a selection from his personal collection of King James bibles or some such.

Not being particularly adept at scathing word-play, I have not used the links above to let the gentleman in question know how I feel, however, if you, my gentle-enlightened-hypothetical reader would like to, please be my guest.

I have a feeling that prayers don’t work like this, Lord, but if you could see to it that the Ghost of Diversities Future visits this asshat and makes him into a communist, homosexual, mulatto, Islamic-Jew, that would be just great. If that’s asking too much, perhaps it’ll be enough that he simply loses his seat during the next election cycle… and that his children don’t grow up to be like him… that would also be just fine.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Yay for the Garden State

New Jersey is 3rd state to allow gay civil unions



The Legislature moves swiftly after it was ordered to allow same-sex marriages or create an equivalent.



-its more than I had expected and yet less than I hoped for... and shame on the rest of our great (civil) union for not seeing the common sense-moral/legal imperative of the situation and swiftly following suit... now, if only we could simultaneously de-criminalize MJ...





http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39960000/jpg/_39960209_ap203bodysign.jpghttp://members.optusnet.com.au/~weezil0/gay_marriage_toon_sml.jpgjim nuttle -

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Yet More T-Shirts





Charisma Carpenter is a Slammin' Hottie

I'd post a pic or two but this isn't that kind of site=)



p.s. thx to Danger for lettin' me borrow his 5th season 'Angel' DVD... while the season as a whole felt rushed and disjointed, there were more than a few shining moments including Cordelia's plunging neckline the resolution of the Cordelia character.











when the clowns all get here, I'll be the one by the fishbowl

Color Me Distracted

My Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom (I knew it)

What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart



My Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well.
You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return.

Your flirting style: Friendly

Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe

Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish

What you bring to relationships: Loyalty


My Japanese Name Is...

Souta Kobayashi





My Seduction Style: Ideal Lover



You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.

And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek.

You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships.

It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.



My Penis Name Is...

100% All-Beef Thermometer


My Observation Skills Get A B-

Your senses are pretty sharp (okay, most of the time)
And it takes something big to distract you!


I Am 36% Abnormal

I am at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that I have no soul.

I am at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that I am a chaotic mess.

I am at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that I am in love with my own reflection.

I am at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that I feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

I am at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that I am addicted to hand sanitizer.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Associations

Alphaville

Forever young

Ann Rice’s vampires

Crappy vampire movies

The resurgence of zombie movies

Groundskeeper Willie exclaiming, “Ach! Zombies!”

Scottish and Irish brogues

The Cranberries

Dark-haired women with pale skin and light eyes (brogue is optional but a definite plus)

Linda Carter’s Wonder Woman

Sherilyn Fenn in a Wonder Woman costume

Laura Prepon in a dominatrix outfit

The GIGANTIC checkout girl at the Albertson’s on East Ave. (every time I see her I have the urge to climb her like I’m making an ascent up K-2. *everyone I’ve ever slept with has been shorter than me, consequently, when we are spooning her feet would always be on top of my feet… I’ve always wondered what the foot arrangement would be while sleeping with someone taller than me.)

I was recently challenged to record and blog an example of my train of thought, sort of a connect-the-dots line of thinking much like the old word association game we used to play.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

'Abled' as a state of mind


























My dear friend Sierra was having an awful time the other day while hunting for a parking spot so I decided to make these or her=)

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Record-breaking Meme

1. How old do you wish you were?
25… there just seemed to be more time to do all the nothing I wanted to do back then.

2. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
In bed.

3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
The last place I was that had a pilferous vending machine also has a sign on the machine stating that if you allowed it to take YOUR money without a fight, soon it would have no fear of man at all and would soon start stealing babies out of cribs. As a result every tasty transaction was bordered on all sides with the promise of violence.

4. Do you consider yourself kind?
I try to be, despite what the Cosmos thinks.

5. If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be?
hmm… perhaps ‘WP’… you know, to go under my lightning bolt!

6. If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be?
Latin, hands down.

7. Do you know your neighbors?
I do not although we know that the old lady next door is super-punctual with her garbage bins and whenever we see them at the curb for longer than a day we fear for her life.

8. What do you consider a vacation?
Any time out of the norm that allows me to recharge and reconnect with myself or my loved ones.

9. Do you follow your horoscope?
Nope.

10. Would you move for the person you loved?
I’ve done it many times and will probably do it many more.

11. Are you touchy feely?
I am.

12. Do you believe that opposites attract?
I do.

13. Dream job?
Cushy analyst… it’s the idea of being paid to be judgmental.

14. Favorite channels?
Hmmm… G4, why not?

15. Favorite place to go on a weekend?
Out… even if it’s just for a couple hours: to the movies, to the pub, to my friends’ couch.

16. Showers or bath?
Showers. It’s been a good, long time since I’ve run across a comfortable bathtub with adequate hot water.

17. Do you paint your nails?
Nope.

18. Do you trust people easily?
Yes, but there is a dark part of me that doesn’t trust anyone very far.

19. What are your phobias?
Flying. Spiders. Solitude. Loss. Helplessness. Meeting new people.

20. Do you want kids?
Yup, got two now… We occasionally think about adding another with the hope that it’ll be a girl this time, but, the fever usually breaks rather quickly.

21. Do you keep a handwritten journal?

No.

22. Where would you rather be right now?
ATM? hmmm.

23. What makes you feel warm and safe?
Control.

24. Heavy or light sleep?
I am a heavy sleeper.

25. Are you paranoid?
/thinking hmmm… what do they mean by paranoid? Just answer ‘no’. No.

26. Are you impatient?
I am told that I am. Next question!

27. Who can you relate to?
I’m lucky enough to have cultivated several relationships around me that I can relate to.

28. How do you feel about interracial couples?
I’m a big fan of connections, interracial or otherwise.

29. Have you been burned by love?
No, but I have burned myself several times in this manner.

30. What's your life motto?
”When the clowns all arrive, I’ll be standing over by the fishtank.”

31. What's your main ringtone on your mobile?
Absolutely Cuckoo for when my beebe calls me, Battlestar Galactica for everyone else.

32. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Listening to music.

33. Who was your last text message from?
My darling friend Shel.

34. Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
Mine.

35. What color shirt are you wearing?
Grey.

36. Most recent movie you watched?

Superman II, The Richard Donner Cut.

37. Name five things you have on you at all times?
When I leave the house? Wallet, watch, keys, music and my phone.

38. What color are your bed sheets?

Tan checkers.

39. How much cash do you have on you right now?
Zero.

40. What is your favorite part of chicken?
It’s innocence.

41. What's your favorite town / city?
San Jose, CA. but it’s rapidly losing out to Heutchenhausen, GE.

42. I cant wait ‘til...
July, next year.

43. What did you have for dinner last night?
My world famous potato chowda’.

44. How tall are you barefoot?
5’9”

45. Have you ever smoked crack?
No.

46. Do you own a gun?
Not at present.

47. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Water.

48. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Honesty.

49. Do you have A.D.D.?
I don’t think so but I want to add something about a previous question here if I may. I also like to drink juice in the mornings=)

50. What time did you wake up today?
9-ish?.

51. Current worry?
Hmm. Aint tellin’.

52. Current hate?
Nah, I don’t hate anything... there are lots of things I would change if given the chance but nothing I hate.

53. Favorite place to be?
atm? Under covers=)

54. Where would you like to travel?
Back to europe, for a start... I’ll likely be heading someplace hotter.

55. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
If all goes well, someplace similar to where I am now.

56. Last thing you ate?
Waffles and bacon.

57. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever song is running through my head atm, lately its been a bit of country tho I honestly couldn’t tell you why.

58. Last person that made you laugh?

My darling wife.

59. Worst injury you've ever had?
Pass.

60. Does someone have a crush on you?
I think so=)

61. What is your favorite candy?

Right now I’m digging on these Almond Rocas, yowza are they decadent.

Me versus The Cosmos (pt. 2)

I believe the universe is about balance, but I also believe that it’s an awful big place full of dark wonders and incredible oddities. It is also my firm belief that not all of it is comprehensible, nor indeed, is the information even applicable in a human sense. That being said (and my rationality firmly established) I also believe the universe has a sense of humor.

Dan Quayle.
Fabio getting hit in the face by a bird while riding a roller coaster.
Sex-scandals of the rich and pious.
And this:

I have recently realized that if I don’t have a bottle of water on hand at all times, I will simply not drink water leading, inevitably, to dehydration, headaches and the heartbreak of chapped lips.

Now that I have a new bottle I guard it jealously, refilling it as needed and never letting it get too far from me.

Earlier, I was feeling a bit snarky towards the universe (we have a history, the Cosmos and I) when, as chance would have it, I dropped the cap to my water bottle. Normally, this wouldn’t mean a big deal as I could simply bend over and pick it up, ja? Well, I happened to be standing five feet away from the only open-air return for our HVAC system and, as luck would have it, the cap fell, bounced once and fell directly into its dusty abyss. This is literally the only place in the whole of the habitable areas of my house where if something falls into it, it is lost forever. What are the chances, right?

I see how it is… well met, Cosmos… touché, even.



Me – 1
Cosmos – 1

Words’ Worth

I’ve started noticing something interesting involving the power of words and terminologies lately. Here are a few examples and a clumsy segue:

'Secularism' isn’t the opposite of religion or spiritualism… honestly; it’s the desire for an absence of religion and religion-based value judgments from government. Recently ‘secular’ has turned into a denigration thrown about by the modern religious entities, including politicians. Its curious to me that such a term, its utilization prescribed clearly in the first amendment, can be twisted like this.

Another example of the twisting of a words’ meaning to fit into a political or religious lexicon is the term Liberal. Politically speaking, it wasn’t until the 80’s that the term picked up its negative connotation, literally stepping up into popular use to replace the term ‘Communist’ when it became convenient.

There’s no doubt about it: words have power. But it’s not always about obfuscation or ridiculous political shenanigans. Sometimes its about trust and mood.

The last example is ‘Civil War’. Recently the mainstream media have decided to call a duck a duck and use the term ‘Civil War’ to describe the sectarian violence in Iraq.

"use the term ‘Civil War’ to describe the sectarian violence in Iraq..."

Firstly, kudos to the Times and NBC news for stepping up to the plate and doing the job by publicly stating that they wouldn’t be a part of a semantic, hair-splitting argument with this country’s imperious leader. Secondly, no one who has been paying attention could, in any honesty, describe the ass-hattery in Iraq as anything but a full-fledged civil war. That being said, I was sorta hoping the subterfuge would hold, at least for a while longer.

You see, when you make a big deal about a name-change or a terminology shift, you tend to create a spectacle and attract attention, which is, I am sure, the point. The problem is this: We, as a national collective, are responsible for the instability in Iraq.

"...one of the greatest falsehoods... is that America is thankful for her soldiers’ service..."

Yeah, we went under false pretenses, yup, the post-war was (and IS being) grossly mishandled and (/sigh) yeah, one of the greatest falsehoods perpetrated on the American heartland today is that America is thankful for her soldiers’ service. None of that changes the simple truth that, like it or not, Iraq is a reality and our nation is responsible. And now, with this latest shift in terminology, we have given ourselves the long lost exit strategy, the ‘out’ from the situation that we have all been looking for: Dubya’s ‘cut and run’ come to terrible reality.

Confused? I will explain. Here’s the power of these words: by definition, a ‘Civil War’ is an INTERNAL matter, resolvable only through internal (see: Iraqi) means and without external influence. As though the west would have ANY viable influence in the area if simply left tomorrow, ja? With the terminology’s popular use comes the inevitable sentiment that we should just leave and let them sort it all out.

Doing this would be madness, just as idiotic as picking the fight to begin with. The long-term humanitarian effects would be catastrophic as there still are not even basic services running reliably and the only independent aid organization, the Red Cross, is a very popular target for kidnapping and murder. But that’s not the worst reason.

"...(prematurely leaving Iraq) would be madness... The long-term humanitarian effects would be catastrophic..."

The most compelling reason is, sadly, strategic. Say that stabilization happens overnight, immediately after we withdraw our troops and in spite of the lack of western ‘aid’. This means that they either subjugated their enemies or, worse, they realized that the differences between their ideologies were slight enough to overlook. You would now have an openly hostile, aggressive nation sitting on 2/3 of the petroleum reserves in the Middle East… sitting next door to an historical enemy of the west with strong religious and cultural ties to its populous. This very situation is the reason why we didn’t depose Saddam Hussein in 1991. It’s also the reason why we helped put him into power in the first place.

Folks, we as a nation have an opportunity now to do what’s right by owning up to our collective mistakes. Its only a sad coincidence that supporting the mission means the same (superficially) as supporting Dubya. Our troops deserve better treatment, their sacrifices should not be diminished through intellectual legerdemain and the people of Iraq deserve their shot at peace and a better tomorrow. Particularly because we are responsible for their crappy 'today'.

p.s.
Speaking of the power of words, Kramer dropping the N-bomb on a couple hecklers isn’t the end of the world, hell, its barely even news. There are more important things we should be discussing atm (see above) and it seems to me that hypocritical sensitivity to idiotic name calling shouldn’t even be on a rational adult’s radar.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Newest T-Shirt Design(s) I Wish I Had



...now, if only I had a contact in a family-run t-shirt printing company… lol.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

...and away!!!!

*from latimes.com



On Tuesday, "Superman II — The Richard Donner Cut" arrives in stores.
Most DVDs labeled "director's cut" are different only around the edges;
this one goes in all new directions by lopping out huge chunks of the
familiar theatrical version and weaving in "lost" scenes salvaged from the vaults.Seeing is believing
SEEING IS BELIEVING:
Screen-test footage of a young and thin Christopher Reeve as Clark.





I can't wait=)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Na na na na na na na na Katamari Damacy




here is the link=)

Me versus The Cosmos



You are The Devil



Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession



The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.



Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist.



What Tarot Card are You?

Take the Test to Find Out.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Thanks




It being the week of American Thanksgiving I thought I would give a quick run-down of the things for which I am thankful.



My family – the peeps that know me well enough to fit into this category know that to my mind marital and blood relations do not necessarily make a family. Rather, it’s the inexorable bonds that lay between us, intertwining us, that no measure of miles or words unsaid (or even words to UNsay) can change. Whether you are under my roof, just a few blocks away, all the way over in WA or lost out there in the ether, you are my family and I am thankful for the way you all enrich my life.



My health – recently, my doc and I decided it was time to drop my blood pressure medication altogether, an event that, to my mind, is tantamount to beating back the ravages of age and the crappy infirmities that go along with it. While there are still some things that I would like to change and a few things that I have come to accept (albeit grudgingly) I’d still have to say that I am right now in the best physical (lol) health that I have been in ten years. This has led to, among other things, the rediscovery of and a renewed interest from members of the opposite sex. This would seem to fall squarely into the category of ‘Sweet’ and I am thankful for it.



My faith – the varying features of my personal faith are difficult to categorize except in the most general way. You see, I am a Catholic and, by default, a Christian, however there are some important distinctions here. Personally, I am more concerned with spirituality in general and less concerned with established religious doctrines and morals. To me, it’s of greater worth to be striving for inner balance and a spiritual connection with the people around you (including the divine) than to blindly follow rules. It’s because of this perceived relationship between myself and the divine that I was able to make some fairly important decisions lately and, having set those decisions and their consequences in motion, am now feeling better about life in general.



Happy Thanksgiving all,



C.







oh, and btw, To all the aboriginal Americans out there: Sorry for stealing your country and stuff.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Nerd-Gamers FTW!

Recently my friends and I have run into a glut of RPG books in pdf-format. This, when coupled with the use of a semi-capable laptop, allows me to become a mobile encyclopedia of nerd-gaming knowledge, second only (at least in our little circle) to the bookshelf/cabinet located at Danger and Rabbit’s place. When you toss in the automatic dice roller you get from WoTC website and the initiative tracker I’ve been trying to make work you end up with a geek-gaming machine, indeed, a veritable Dork ex machina, that incorporates all aspects of my nerd-gaming addiction. (right, like I’m the only one… raise your hand if you’ve ever killed a kobold.)

Speaking of Danger and his lovely wife Rabbit, these were the nice folks that introduced me to the Steve Jackson line of games including the beloved Munchkin sets. These games are based on the art and humor of John Kovalic, the creator of the web comic Dork Tower. To my delight (and yet, there was no surprise in this at all) I found that these brilliant folks have released their own supplements to the vast D20/Open Game License empire. With wondrous magic items like “Kneepads of Ill-Repute”, “Spiked Codpiece” and the dreaded “Unnatural Axe” you should have no problem at all finding worthy foes and killing them by surprise. Imagine my utter glee when I discovered one of the bad-guys inspired by the Munchkins Monster Manual: You and your party pause at the foot of the low hill as a distant yipping sound reaches your ears. Louder and louder the cacophony builds until the sharp-eyed among you sees them- anthropomorphic dog shapes running at you, but, rather than dogs covered in fur, these all seem to be arboreal creatures covered in grass. Horrors! You have wandered into the forbidden land of Dal-las and face the evil of… The Grassy Gnolls!



I mean, seriously, how do we NOT play this?

http://www.sjgames.com/munchkin/rpg/mastersguide/img/cover_lg.jpg

You just KNOW there’s a-gonna be at least one archer-type master-blastered onto the backs of one of these puppies if, for no other reason than to say that there is a lone sniper on a Grassy Gnoll!

Perhaps if the others will go for it we’ll play this a bit this weekend=)

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Ninja!

http://www.spreeblick.com/wp-content/images/AskANinja.png

This site is freakin’ hilarious! I discovered this little jewel whilst cruising and foolin around with my new toy-bot. Thx to my good chum Ryan’s cousin for having some cute bits on her site for me to steal=)





New Toys

This is me, just testing out a new plaything I heard about on Sunday. Apparently, Firefox (read: the awesomeness that IE wants to be) has this great addon that lets you post directly to your blog, spamming away as you surf for porn and haxors toolz news and current events.



...you can also drag and drop pics from other websites directly into yer blog. Sweet.





powered by performancing firefox

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Advice For My Boyos - Shaving

*please don’t pay any attention to the following article nor to any of the others in this ongoing and critically acclaimed series.

At some point, we all have to make peace with the idea that we are, in fact, not sane. With that in mind, allow me to share with you, my hypothetical reader, another bit of crazy that has been rolling around the pachinko-machine that is my psyche: I rehearse conversations. Entire conversations. From beginning to end and with every derivation I can imagine, if it’s a subject that is moderately important to me, then I will work it out in my mind ahead of time. Alright, maybe its not so strange as all that, but, my lovely wife seems to think it is so there you have it. Its in this vein that I decided to write the following series of articles: at some point, my boys are a-gonna start asking strange questions the answers to which, if I am unprepared, will, at best, provide them with less-than-optimal advice and at worst, confuse them to the point where the advice isn’t understood or heeded.

-Chris’ nightmare example: “Sooo, when Poppy was telling us about underground boxing clubs was he trying to tell us to avoid being ‘space-monkeys’ or was he telling us not to pick fights with strangers just to let them win? Bah, who cares? Lets go smoke crack and get some cheerleaders pregnant!”

As you can see, I have a lot of work ahead of me as the stakes are simply too high to leave those conversations to chance. I should also point out that in my nightmare example-universe, my children both speak with english accents. */shrug*

Shaving-

a... The first thing to think about here is the razor. A good, sharp razor is a godsend.

Razor Rule #1: Never borrow another guy’s razor without asking. Always ask first and even then it’s still a little weird. “Why?” you ask? Well, sons, a man’s razor is a personal thing and you’ll understand that a bit better after you’ve scraped a few layers of dermis from your face with a cold, dull, rusty razor that you thought was as sharp as The Lightbringer himself. The only ways this could have happened is if you either forgot to change the razor yourself after the last time you cut your face off (dumbass) or someone else used it. And btw, if they didn’t tell you they were going to use it, there’s no telling where they used it.

-its at this point we need to pause for a moment and discuss, father to sons, “The Female Exception Rule”. You see, it works like this: Women, for the most part, are exempt from many of the rules which men hold dear. For example, lets take Razor Rule #1, shall we? Women never have to ask permission to use a man’s razor and a man must never, NEVER reveal that he doesn’t want her to use his razor. The reasons are thus:

1… If a woman is in a position to use your razor she must logically be comfortable enough with you to use said toiletries. This says a lot. Don’t screw it up by whining about your stupid razor.

2… If you are friendly with a woman and she goes about using ANYTHING in the house to make herself feel better or be prettier in any way then this can only benefit you. Take my word for it son, you definitely want her to use your razor rather than not shave at all. Remember son, bleaching doesn’t make a mustache go away.

Razor Rule #2: Hot, sharp razor equals good. Cold, dull, hateful razor equals bloody mess in the sink. And while we are here let’s talk about what to do when you inevitably shave some of you chin off. First things first: finish shaving. Someone is paying for the hot water, shaving cream and razors and if it’s me, you damn well better not waste it. If it is you, being wasteful would make you a dumbass. Suck it up and finish shaving. Secondly, if you do cut yourself, do not use little pieces of tissue to stop the bleeding. The only reason guys started doing this in the first place was because there was a cologne commercial at some point which showed a manly-man nicking himself and, rather than get a little blood on his shirt which he stupidly did not remove before starting to shave, (dumbass) he decided to put little pieces of TP on his face just so he could have his commercial-universe daughter pick them off before kissing him. Son, if you finish shaving and finish brushing your teeth and putting on your clothes and you are still concerned about the amount of blood coming out of your face, you may have bigger problems. Hemophilia and leukemia. Google them.

b... Moving the razor.

The only rule here is to be sure and move the razor up and down only, NEVER side to side or laterally across your face and never, EVER against the direction your facial hairs are growing. As a matter of fact, if anyone ever tells you to do any of those three prohibited things, you go ahead and punch them in the eye as this person is not your friend. In fact, he’s probably the same asshat that used your razor without asking in the first place.
He owes you blood.

Well boys, that’s pretty much it as far as shaving goes… stick to these simple guidelines and you’ll be just fine.

And always remember that your Poppy loves you.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

My Kind Of Pie-Chart



...when I ran across this I just had to re-post it=) t'would probably make a decent t-shirt, lol

btw, how unnerving would it be to have Pac-Man look at you and grin salaciously? ug

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Music Memes

Tell me a song that reminds you of the following tastes (one song for each taste):

Sweet
Frente’s cover of “Let The Sunshine In” from The Flintstones. It must be the lead singer’s exaggerated little-girl lisp.

Sour
“Santa Monica” by Everclear.

Salty
“I’m Alright” by Jo Dee Messina. Lately for me ‘salty’ has come to mean an exciting, unusual good time and I cannot help but smile and sing along when I hear this one.

Bitter
“The Blower’s Daughter” by Damien Rice. Soulful and pathetically sad, it tells a story of unrequited love… I think we’ve all been in that place.

Bland
“Don’t Cha” by some corporate band. When I’m in the mood for slutty, anonymous porn from a generic source I can’t help but think of these women. And Ann Coulter.

Spicy
“Oops! Oh My” by Tweet. The unadulterated version of this song is simplistic, provocative and very sexy.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Many Me's

CHRIS TAYLOR

HowManyOfMe.com
LogoThere are:
1,031
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

...but theres only ONE thats fast like a wet ninja=)

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Newest T-Shirt Design I Wish I Had


Are We Ready To Start The Bloodless Revolution?

I swear all I want to do is protect myself from Alzheimer’s.

Truly.

Well, good news for all of you who smoke pot... apparently, along with being able to help relieve the debilitating side-effects of chemo therapy, HIV drug cocktails and glaucoma, THC is now thought to help fight off Alzheimer’s disease. Add to that the fact that it’s non-addictive (certainly no more addictive than nicotine), use of which is generally non-violent and that something like 30% of Americans have smoked or regularly DO smoke M-J. BTW, that percentage seems to get quite a bit higher when the people sampled are in the 20-40 year old range. It positively skyrockets when the question is changed to the less self-incriminating, “Would you smoke marijuana if it were perfectly legal to do so?”

"The overall physical effect of THC is far safer than what happens to my liver every weekend."



Would I? You bet. To me, this isn’t one of those moral dilemmas where if you commit a crime, it will adversely effect someone else like mugging someone to feed your family. No, this is the very definition of a victimless crime, or, at least, it would be if there were not already criminal enterprises built up around circumventing the law. Nope, smoking M-J is a crime because someone has declared it so. There are lots of asshat reasons for it but what it all really comes down to is specific injury or the reasonable danger thereof and when taken in that light, the arguments simply don’t hold water. Physicians and studies the world over have declared alcohol and tobacco more dangerous by a wide margin. The overall physical effect of THC is far safer than what happens to my liver every weekend. In fact, from my layman’s point of view, the biggest health hazard associated with smoking pot is getting arrested and having to share a bunk with a 480-pound guy named ‘Shirley the health inspector’.

Anyways, that’s why I don’t smoke pot. But now I’m really wishing that I could without the chance of arrest or failing a physical. Anyone with even a semi-close relationship with an elderly person is gonna be wishing the same thing before long. Alzheimer’s is simply a fact of life with these people, whether the person is afflicted or not. It only takes one instance of obvious memory loss to get the wheels turning in that direction… and once they start, they DO NOT stop.

Oh, and as far as the ‘getting high’ aspect of the whole thing? Pffft, that’s why I have, like, four bottles of flavored vodka running around this place.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Breathing Out So You Can Breath Me In

Occasionally it’s necessary to let out bits of crazy in order to keep from blowing up, much like knocking the press off the boiler (“She creeps…”) keeps the scary old hotel from blowing sky-high.


...today I thought I found one of my old guitar picks but it turned out to be just an old, used band-aid that had been folded up and left to harden...

...after periodically lamenting the fact that I am the primary IT nerd in my ‘lil group of friends, my friends eventually stopped asking for my help… then, last night, my friend asked if I would help him with a minor IT problem this morning to which I readily agreed, being secretly happy to be able to help in my special way. I arrived at his place this morning and found that I had missed him in the shuffle and he was already over at my place… and he had already taken care of his problem himself…

…a while back I offered to tune my friend’s guitar for him using an electronic tuner my good chum Drew had given me. While in the midst of tuning, not one but two strings broke including the high E. Thankfully, it missed blinding me when it streaked upward and outward at the speed of light however it did manage to give me a minor cut on my right hand, drawing a bit of blood. I am now, irrationally, afraid of my friend’s guitar because whenever I look at it now, I get the distinct feeling that having tasted my blood once, it will not be satisfied until it’s able to taste it again…

…having recently lost a bit of weight (and subsequent inches from my waist) I was surprised and dismayed this morning when I saw that it was raining outside and I found I no longer had any jeans that fit…

…during the entire time I was smoking (during my most recent stint as an addict, that is) I was never once sick with a cough or a throat ailment. Now, after having been quit of cigarettes for just over three weeks, I am starting to develop a froggy throat… bleh…

…I am secretly terrified that Bob Woodward may be full of shit…

…whenever I’m in a parking lot and happen to drop my keys on the ground, I’ll always look around before picking them up… this is not a self-preservation habit nor is it one born of vanity, i.e. making sure no one is looking at my bottom in case my pants split open, but rather one of irrational paranoia… you see, whenever this exact situation occurs and I bend over to pick up my keys, I’m absolutely certain a flaming arrow flies through the air directly through the space where my head would be, if I were still standing erect…

…whenever I see a banana peel lying discarded on the ground, I always have to fight back a desire to intentionally slip on it, just to see if a silly noise or a laugh-track will begin playing out of nowhere…


I think that’s enough for a while.
/smile

Two Dollars?


Which John Cusack Are You?

...eh, it's better than I expected... I thought it was gonna tell me I was Jeremy Piven=)

Monday, October 02, 2006

The Things We Choose To Care About

This morning I had decided to get up on here and give substance to my thoughts on the subject of respect, or, “respek” as my good chum Ali G would put it. (silly Ali G, everyone knows that ‘respek’ is something you do when you ding lvl 40, in order to not get pwned in RvR, lol) I was going to try to segue from there into a self-important rant about how sometimes it is painfully clear how little respect we have for some of the people in our lives and how I, as a gentleman, am literally above all that and how when I do f-up its only because I’m human and therefore its okay. Blah blah blah. (just as an aside here, when I come across as an arrogant ass, please just lemme know… don’t get me wrong: I’ll prolly still rationalize my behavior but it may give us both something to think about)


I would then promenade to the political left and into a faux-intellectual screed about injustice and an art teacher in Texas who was fired because she, my hand to God, exposed her students to art. Absurd, you say? Pah, click the link, you know you want to.


After that I would then doe-see-doe back to the centrist view and poke a little fun at a Florida politico who, in his own turn, had expressed a desire to do a lil’ poking of his own with an under-aged volunteer.


But these things suck and talking about them makes me weary.


Worry not, my hypothetical chum, as you have stayed with me this far into my ramble, you are to be rewarded=) In my searching for song covers I have found some beauties. Its wonderful and refreshing how a piece of music can lift you outta your narcissistic self-indulgence while simultaneously lifting your spirits. Sometimes it’s like a slap in the face, but a gentle one and with a friend’s hand.


I ran across this piece last week and everyday since it has been growing on me more and more. (no melanoma jokes, please.) It’s a cover of Steve Winwood’s “Back in the Highlife Again” by Warren Zevon. Now, my only exposure to this person’s original music was “The Werewolves of London” but to be honest I never bothered to find out who sang it. Additionally, I never really cared for Steve Winwood’s music with this song almost being an exception . You see, I always liked it, but at the same time, I didn’t, if you can dig it. To my ear, it was a great message but Winwood’s delivery was all wrong; too pop-ish, too commercialized. I remember wondering then, “When was this guy ever IN the highlife before so he could come BACK again?" I couldn’t put my finger on it back then but in retrospect I’d say the sentiment just didn’t feel genuine.


"...the sentiment just didn’t feel genuine..."


Now, flash forward with me to the now and my discovery of this 2000 cover. Simple, austere and heartfelt, this is precisely how this song should have been performed in the first place. After hearing this song I went looking for more of his music and found that he had died shortly after releasing it. Obviously, I only add this for effect, as it would seem to reinforce the suggestion of genuine sentiment.


In any case, give it a shot… you never know, it may be enough to brighten your day.




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Thursday, September 28, 2006

My Hypocritical Masochistic Side




What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?




You were destined to have a Red Lightsaber.Red is the color of fire and blood, so it is associated with energy, war, danger, strength, power, and determination as well as passion and desire. You have seen the Strength and Power of the Dark Side of the Force and have you thirst for more of it. Also, evil will always win over good because good is stupid.
Take this
quiz!











...apparently I'm a minion of the dark side. That sorta figures because everything is proceeding as I have forseen.

Genesis in DOS (an excerpt)

And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 3.
C:>LET THE WATERS UNDER HEAVEN BE GATHERED TOGETHER UNTO ONE PLACE AND LET THE DRY LAND APPEAR
Too many characters in specification string. Try again.
C:>CREATE DRY_LAND
Done.
C:>RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH
C:>LET THE EARTH PRODUCE FRESH GROWTH, LET THERE BE ON THE EARTH PLANTS
Too many characters in specification string. Try again.
C:>CREATE PLANTS
Done.
C:>RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH
So it was; the Earth yielded fresh growth, plants bearing seed. And God saw that there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 3.
The rest of this joke is a bit long but very funny... especially great for us old DOS fans=)

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Tequila!

I was so tickled by my friend Shel’s post about tequila last week that I was inspired to organize a tequila-shot night at our friend’s house last Friday! (I say ‘organized’ but really all it really came down to was my saying, “Honey, could you pick up a bottle of tequila tonite?” My mad organizational skillz there, lol)

I had a lot of fun and am willing to place the evening in the ‘win’ category for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was the fact that no one vomited. Score!

The last time I had attempted anything like this I was literally a teenager still and the results were spectacularly colorful, so much so that the people who lived there (which strangely didn’t include anyone who was drinking that night) had to move soon thereafter. Again, I’m very sorry Carrie and Jack. Ick.

I think because we paced our shots and had fun with it rather than charging through the whole bottle that the experience was so nice. (The licking of the salt got to be especially interesting.)
Anyways, I had a great time and though I am sure it will not become a regular event I can see tryin again sometime… when the stars align again perhaps=)

And so it is...

Its that time of year again in the Taylor household. Birthdays all clustered up, expensive holidays on the way and the grand-daddy most expensive holiday of all looming, X-mas. So Monday before school I went about dropping my resume off at various places in random and unrequited fashion. Bleh.

All that time in the car inspired me to create a new mp3 compilation disk, but what was gonna be the theme? (These things don’t always need a theme, but, when the concept enters the equation, the compiler will deny it at his peril.) I then remembered I had been meaning to make an entire 700MB mp3 disk out of nothing but covers. Difficult you say? Well, yeah, in the sense that it’s difficult to find good covers.

"it's difficult to find good covers..."


I mean, if they were any good, we would have heard about them by now, ja? Naw, besides the many that I had in my own ill-gotten collection, the vast majority of covers floating around are tinny-sounding live pieces or they are from the ska/punk world, which, while viable for this compilation are to my mind in a category unto themselves.

Being an acoustic guitar fan, the little ditty at the bottom here quickly became the vanguard for me, so much so that I decided to refine the various OCD-required categories that all music can be filed into. I call this the “Covering Artist Changes The Tone (And Thereby The Genre) Of A Ho-Hum Song And The World Is Enriched Because Of It” category. I’m, uh… having trouble thinking of another example though I was fairly sure there are others=) This is where you (hypothetical reader) can help me (soaking-wet ninja) by telling me your favorite covers. Just drop me an e-mail at the asshat addy or my home addy or leave em in the comments. Thanks for the help=)



Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Fun w/ Tiles

Pholph's Scrabble Generator

Our Scrabble© Score is: 33.
What is your score? Get it here.








I couldn't help myself when I saw this=)
 

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