Candy is Delicious

It’s a bit slow here in the clinic this afternoon so I thought I’d share with you, my hypothetical reader, a few of the things that have been going on here in my world.

With the vast majority of cadets on vacation or doing training off-post during first block, we are left with only a handful of ‘brokens’ to (have to deal with) help rehabilitate. That’s just fine by me, at least in the short term, as I have another class to prepare and deliver. This time it’ll be on Chronic Exertional Compartment Syndrome (CECS), another lower extremity malady that I am personally acquainted with. I am a bit reluctant to bring up my symptoms as the orthopedic surgeons here all seem a bit bored and are all too eager to cut a brother open. No thanks, guys; I’ve gots stuff to do, not the least of which is being prepared for the EFMB come October.

Lets see, what’s been going on since my last update? Ah, I am now stationed at the US military academy at West Point, NY. The barracks they have us in are nice, although anything better than a cardboard box or shelter half is a definite step up from the barracks at Ft. Sam. They are single person rooms, non-smoking, of course. I have a bathroom that I share with my next door neighbor, four storage closets, a desk and a king-sized bed. The bed is definitively the high point after months and months of sleeping on a hard single-sized bed although I do find myself picking a spot to sleep on and staying there all night long, lol. Literally an acre of bed to roll around on and I invariably end up next to the clock every morning. There are no restrictions on food or alcohol in the barracks and we can have overnight guests for up to a week before having to inform the chain of command. All in all, not so bad for this guy.

What can I say about the academy that hasn’t already been said? I know, this: The cadets are, without exception, retarded. Oh yeah. See, I had a solidly preconceived notion about the, er, quality of the kids that are selected to go here. Indeed, aside from the arduous first year, the hardest thing about this place is getting to come here. So, the kids that come here know a bit more about perseverance and responsibility than their counterparts at colleges and universities. That is where the differences end, no joke. Now, I live in a party-college town, CSUC is in fact THE party college in California. As a result, I am familiar with the asshatery that comes of college students who are given their first bit of freedom and subsequently lose their damn minds. Yup, they’re retarded. And so are the kids here, by and large. This example is a snippet of an actual conversation I had with one of my patients:

Them: My knees hurt.

Me: Well, did you do anything this weekend that could have possibly caused this?

Them: No, nothing out of the ordinary.

Me: What’s ‘ordinary’? (This question proved to be too complicated so I decided to simplify it by asking, “What did you do this weekend?”)

Them: I ran the Boston Marathon.

Me: You ran a marathon?

Them: Yeah, I’m on the marathon team!

Me: And you say your knees hurt? -This is followed by several moments of me blinking at them and them blinking right back at me. Its this whole blinking thing and it takes a bit of effort to break free of it.

Me: Stop running marathons.

Let me explain a bit here: after joining the army I had to learn how to run and now its a regular part of my life. I don’t hate it, its good for clearing your mind and it’s a great cardio workout. I run 2-3 miles every day. I do NOT run marathons. Every single long distance competition runner I’ve met has a lower body malady of some sort. 100 percent serious injury rate. And they all look like they need a YooHoo and a sandwich, stat. /sigh.

An MRI was ordered and after four short years of running marathons as a collegiate sport, this particular cadidiot needed meniscus graphs on both knees. 6-9 months of painful rehab later and she will likely want to start running marathons again.

Hmmm, what else? Ah, my counterpart (we will call him ‘Therefore’) and I visited the Big Apple and took in some of the sights. The thing I liked the best was Chinatown, it was awesome. We had lunch at a dimsum restaurant that offered cart service. If you have never had the pleasure, you should check it out! It was a fun way to be served and the food was amazing. Overall, the city was much cleaner than I was led to believe, probably thanks to ex-mayor Rudy. Times Square was magnificent and the NY public library was incredible. I rode a lion. Apparently, there’s a big statue somewhere in the harbor, but we’ll have to check that one out at another date.

I have also recently realized that while I am not especially fond of sick people, I seem to have a knack for medicine. The next big step for me education/army-wise is to submit a packet for the PA school. The only sad part is its back in San Antonio again for the didactic portion and then an internship at any of a dozen crappy postings. All told, it’ll be 2 years that I am out and about on Uncle Sam’s dime. That’s okay by me. Luckily, the soonest I could be accepted is spring of ’10. That leaves some wiggle room with regards to family and friends back home and, hey, it beats the hell out of 18 months in the big sandbox, ja? The more I realize that the army is a significant portion of my life, the more comfortable I become with the various rigors and challenges that are presented to me.

Not all has been good news, however. Recently I have had to mourn the passing of a wonderful relationship. Truth be told, it didn’t die so much as evolve into something different, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that my understanding of it evolved. Either way, it is not the same as I had once enjoyed and its loss saddens me. I still occasionally feel ghost sensations from it like the amputee who still feels his wedding ring.

Bah, enough of this maudlin nonsense.

Music-wise, I am still listening to the same stuff as always with the exception being the introduction of stripper-music, thanks to Therefore. My latest love affair is “Paper Planes” by M.I.A. There’s just something compelling about the music combined with her accent contrasted by the subtly adult lyrics. Her whole album is a bit off center, interestingly so.