The Ass-Hat Uprising

Asshats Among Us

2010-05-06T14:09:00.000-07:00

A friend from high school recently regurgitated on Facebook some xenophobic conservative drivel about illegal immigrants and I thought that rather than respond to it via mini-blog (This just in: Illegal immigrants are being vilified- Sadness consumes me. That is all) I would talk about it here, where the air isn’t so stuffy. Here’s the post in total, you may have already seen its like elsewhere:

“You pass the North Korean border illegally you get 12 yrs. hard labor, you pass the Afghan border illegally you get shot, you pass the American border illegally you get a job, driver’s license, allowance for a place to live, health care, education, billions of dollars spent so you can read a document. We carry passports in other countries or face jail time.- Repost this if you agree...”

Ug. Its difficult to know where to start. We’ll begin with a hypothetical situation:

You are busy. You know you need to mow your lawn but you just can’t find time in the week to do it. Your neighbor offers to mow it for you for a pittance. He does a pretty good job and you are paying him WAY less than you would for a landscaping service. Good deal, right? He cuts his hand while trimming your hedge so you offer him a band aid. You are being good neighbors, ja?

One day, as you wave to him from your porch you notice that he’s a little green around the gills.

“Got that bug that’s been goin’ around, neighbor?”

He nods.

“Yeah, the whole neighborhood’s gettin’ it at some point, its nasty.”

You and your family make up a nice batch of your world-famous homemade chicken noodle soup and bring it over with a half a bottle of Dimetap. You know, for his kids.

The next day you find your neighbor bright-eyed and a-mowing your lawn with verve.

Over the course of your friendship it is revealed that your friend cannot read or write in your language. He isn’t illiterate although when it comes to food packaging labels and stereo instructions he may as well be. This isn’t really surprising, heck; you spent three years in Germany and only had the most basic understanding of the language. In exchange for learning about his culture, you offer to help him learn how to read.

As a result, your neighbor is able to advise you on how to better set your sprinkler system to get healthier grass and to use less water. Nice.

He’s got some crappy cousins, but everyone has got some family members they don’t like, right? Come to think of it, you can’t swing a pool noodle at your family reunions without hitting a racist or an alcoholic or a glutton or a hypocrite or that pervy uncle that everyone hopes can’t make it this year. You accept them for who they are but you still have to remind them not to park on the lawn, its just too nice. It’s the same with your neighbor’s family: there are some you get along with and some you don’t.

If this all seems a bit simplistic, its because it really, really is. Charity doesn’t necessarily mean a free ride and not all charity comes from a place of compassion. Sometimes its born from pragmatism but often it’s a happy by-product of self interest.

I also take exception to the concept of economic protectionism. Now, don’t get me wrong, higher level economics makes my head spin but the basics seem easy enough to grasp. When you make money here selling goods and services and then spend that money here, it helps our economy by enabling others to make money and then spend it. Not all of it is going into a sock under the mattress nor is the great majority of it being sent to foreign economies. The part that is going into a foreign economy is being used for the same things it gets used for here: goods and services and living essentials. Those things are still needed no matter where the money comes from. Here are a few examples:

We cut foreign aid to the Middle East and instead of building schools and universities, they started building madrassas.

We cut aid to South America and farmers started planting poppy fields instead of the soy, corn and cotton.

After the fall of the Soviet Union, the resulting economic crisis created a breeding ground for drug cartels, slave traders and gangsters.

Contrast this with the Marshall Plan, enacted to help with European post-war recovery after WWII. It called for $13 billion in 1948 (roughly the equivalent of $119 billion in today’s money) on top of the roughly $12 billion we had already spent since the end of the war. It helped to kick-start the western European economy, but, more importantly, it gave us stable trading partners, ushered in an unprecedented era of U.S. prosperity and allowed us focus on the emerging Warsaw Pact.

People complained about Japan’s electronics and automobile industries in the 80’s and, more recently, India’s tech and biomedical industries. I swear I never understood why. Industrial competition is good for the consumer because it forces the industries to provide the same level of product for less than their competitors. It forces its competitors to innovate and improve its products in order to remain viable.

Better products at cheaper prices.

Contrast that with how industrial protectionism affected the U.S. auto industry: Virtually stagnant for 30 years, protected under the umbrella of protectionism while the rest of the world continued to innovate creating safer, more affordable, longer lasting cars. What did we get from Germany and Japan? The Passat and the Camry, two of the highest rated mid-level cars in the world. What did we get from Detroit? The Hummer H3 and the Pontiac Aztek, one vehicle aimed at the very well-off and another that rivals the AMC Gremlin in overall crappiness and both of them now discontinued.

There was an enormous uproar after Dell moved the majority of its tech support to India after the fallout of the Y2K debacle. This helped Dell cut costs which allowed them to save jobs here in the U.S., remain competitive in the volatile world of home computing and helped them to buy the specialty computer company Alienware.

Better products at cheaper prices.

Xenophobic protectionism hurts consumers and industries alike.

Trading partners with stable economies increases wealth and lowers prices.

Food, clothing, healthcare, education, gas, cars, electronics and recreation are all cheaper when your trading partner has a thriving, stable economy.

And last but not least, prosperity stops wars. When your neighbor is content and healthy, he doesn’t try to steal from you that which he cannot afford to buy. When your neighbor is happy and educated, he doesn’t turn to the loud, persuasive lunatic to help him feed his family.

Better products at cheaper prices AND increased personal and national security.

While we talk about jobs, which jobs are supposedly being stolen by the illegal immigrants? I’m what you would call a ‘low-level professional’, like many of you I have some post-high school education and training.

With that in mind, here are some of the jobs I have worked in my life:

I’ve worked the fruit fields with my immigrant mother.

I’ve worked at McDonalds.

I’ve sold specialty electronics to American servicemen in Europe.

I’ve moved furniture and then I’ve repaired furniture.

I’ve repaired computers for a major computer company.

I’ve driven a municipal bus route.

I’ve been a soldier, an EMT and a PTA (all at once, lol) and now I’m advancing my medical education in preparation for PA school.

My question is this: Which of these jobs do you think an illegal immigrant would compete with me for?

So to all of you that are frustrated and find yourselves being persuaded by the current nationalist mania, please-please remember that very, very few of us are actually native to this great country. The quote doesn't read "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free... so long as they look, sound and talk like us... unless, of course, they can hit a baseball really far." Our love of freedom and our cultural diversities are the two things that set us apart from the rest of the world. If that doesn’t give you a moments pause then consider this: The more healthy, intelligent, educated people we have working on our actual problems (i.e. disease, poverty, security, social inequity, etc.), the faster we will find solutions for them.

The Things We Choose To Care About

2010-03-12T12:27:00.001-08:00

An incredible thing has happened recently – what my good chum Dave Bowman would describe as, "Something Wonderful". Every year about this time (The Ides of March) I am reminded of my long lost brother. This invariably leads to thoughts of his mother (who was in every way another mother to me) and his little sister. When the wifey and I last saw them, they were living in the old neighborhood in Olivehurst, CA and seemed to be as happy as could be expected. My wife and I saw them briefly in early 1998 during a layover between GE and TX. Half an hour later, we packed up our things, gave our hugs and our goodbyes and then made our way back across the country to see what awaited us at Ft. Hood. My wife gave birth mere weeks after our arrival and so began another chapter in our lives.

And that was it.

The entire span of my children's lives and they never saw or heard about some of the most important people in my background.

I have no excuse- I am terrible at keeping in touch. My affections stay fresh and genuine and yet it's far too easy for me to simply take for granted that they will always be there, constant and yet just out of eyeshot. I was reminded earlier this week that is not always the case.

I found that in 2001 my friend's mother died. My friend was 27 and his sister was only as old as my oldest son is today. There is literally nothing in my life's experience that can help me imagine what it was like for them.

This year as I went on my annual hunt to find my brother, I got a hit on a social networking site- not my brother but a young woman in her freshman year at a state university. I was terribly excited and yet wary of coming off as some sort of online weirdo- I think we can all agree that that full-grown men shouldn't chat up 19 year old strangers as a matter of course… Call me old-fashioned but it seems like one of those general rules that fall in the 'no-brainer' category, especially in this day and age.

So, after some deliberation, I wrote to this person. And she wrote back! She is indeed my friend's sister, my surrogate mother's daughter and she seems happy and outgoing and quirky and well-adjusted and she remembered me! Hell, she remembered my wife whom she met perhaps four times!

Now, the way I form bonds has been brought into question recently by the behavior of some of my friends who are going through their own ordeal at the moment. Just as an example, I don't think you can live in close quarters with someone without them becoming a part of you forever. I think this is especially true with children- I don't think you can learn and grow and share with someone without them taking up residence in your heart. It's never occurred to me before last week that I could be unusual in this respect.

As for this young woman, I was there when she took her first steps. I was there when she nearly bit her tongue in half after falling off a chair. I lived with her and watched over her while her mother ran errands.

I've said before that my affections do not require anything from the people I care for. It's nice, don't get me wrong but my feelings don't require validation or even reciprocation. I could be perfectly happy knowing that a person is doing well so long as they were happy.

Luckily for me, she seems genuinely excited about knowing someone who adored her mother and has expressed interest in meeting my wife and I to talk.

I've also said before that I believe the Cosmos is about balance. Well, mostly about balance- there's also a large part of my belief system that involves Alanis Morissette "irony" and Monty Python-esque humor which tends to favor synchronicity over coincidence. Here's an example:

I share my birthday with two other people in my life- a previous girlfriend and my Evil Twin, There4. One of the places we would frequent (my twin and I) was a shake joint called Rick's Cabaret in San Antonio while we were stationed at Ft. Sam. My only souvenirs from this time are a lasting friendship with one of the performers and her husband, a lingering respect for the voraciousness of some of the dancers and a small matchbox with the establishment's logo on it.

Days before my birthday I was contacted by my unit and instructed to be prepared to deploy on a possible mission to Chile. While going through my gear on my birthday, I happened to come across the matchbox (strangely bereft of burnable matches… why would anyone keep that?) and it was such a day-brightener that I felt I had to share it with my twin to our mutual pleasure on our special day.

Honestly, what were the chances that I would have reason to go through my kit at all, much less have a tiny, unlikely keepsake pop out that reminds me of a place I used to share with someone whose birthday it also was?

Alright, I'll concede that it isn't Hurley-winning-the-lotto-with-the-mysterious-numbers-on-"Lost" unusual but it was interesting and significant to me nonetheless.

Here's another:

The day before I found this young lady on the internets, I watched the trailer for the Tron sequel coming this December. This led to fan-boy nostalgia which led to watching the original Tron the next day. Suddenly I was 11 years old and sitting on my friend Alan's living room floor, watching a VHS copy. I could smell his mother cooking in the kitchen and I could hear his father sitting in an armchair behind us, reading the paper. That afternoon I found, wrote and heard back from his sister- after years of trying.

I cannot express how much this pleases me=) I don't know how this is a-gonna turn out but I'm hopeful. Family is the most important thing in my world and the people I love are all my family by default.

Words’ Worth

2010-03-08T19:44:00.001-08:00

Last night was the Academy Awards and if you paid any attention at all, you found that Kathryn Bigelow's "The Hurt Locker" was the winner for best picture. I enjoyed THL and I appreciate any attempt to raise awareness of our ongoing war(s) on a mainstream/personal level but Best Picture?

Now, I'm a movie buff so movies with big, glaring holes stand out to me and I'm a soldier so military inaccuracies also stand out to me and this one had its share of both. I'm not talking about little nit-picky things like patches and awards or whether unit X was in theater between such and such dates: I'm interested in these things but they don't color my enjoyment of a story. I'm talking about cliché plot devices and dramatic elements writers and film makers use to move along a story, seemingly without thought to the simultaneous eye-rolling going on in the movie-plex. Just as an example, my wife and I went to see the remake of "The Crazies" recently and were pleasantly surprised by its clever writing, austere visual style and its heavy emphasis on paranoia (rather than gore), especially in the critical third act. Only once did sloppy writing stand out enough to jar my wife and I out of our immersion and it was a time-honored horror movie doozy, the whole "Wait here, I'll be right back" bit.

/sigh. And they were doing so well up till that point. It was as if the creators/storytellers wanted to throw an extra helping of tension into the last reel and simply couldn't come up with a plausible way to separate the two surviving characters and so they dug into the big book of clichés and drew up that one, a gimmick that's so tired and hackneyed that its been lampooned famously by other genre movies.

Needless to say, that one little problem didn't at all ruin the movie for me but it was glaring enough to be picked up on by nearly the entire audience (especially the VFH kids behind us, lol).

The same was true for THL. Military-centric errors/lapses abound along with more than a few conventional ones. Did they further the story? Sure, each and every one. Did they ruin my enjoyment? Nah, overall I gave it a B. Was it a no-holds-barred, adrenalin-fueled thrill ride? Nope. Was it the most innovative, entertaining piece of storytelling released in '09 (which is what I assume the criteria are for Best Pic)? No.

What it did (and it does this admirably) was to assuage America's guilt over largely ignoring the ongoing conflict by raising awareness in a non-threatening way. Horrors on CNN are gauche and voyeuristic; horrors on celluloid (even ones portrayed in mediocre fashion) are interesting and laudable.

The thing is, you don't need to resort to poor storytelling and predictable plot devices to accomplish either of these two goals. Pick up a copy of "They Fought for Each Other" by Kelly Kennedy if you require proof. Or wait for it to filmed, I'd bet a dollar it's already been optioned- hopefully it'll be treated with the same respect "Band of Brothers" got.

That was really my only beef with the Oscars. I find the whole process interminably boring but I like it when people are honored for their hard work.

Here's one that was tragically overlooked:

Award for Best Golden Globes: Christina Hendricks.

Holy cow, that woman can fill out a gown.

Breathing Out So You Can Breathe Me In

2009-06-28T18:33:00.000-07:00

For today’s Final Jeopardy answer:

It is this phenomenon that that is the common link between these 3 things:

-Eureka, CA’s black-sand beaches in spring,
-January in Ft. Sill, OK,
-Showers in the Taylor household while the water heater is broken.

The question is, of course, “What is shrinkage?”

We would have also accepted, “What are things that sounded like a good idea at the time” and “What are some examples of The Universe’s perverse sense of humor”.

Misnomer

2009-06-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

Happy Father’s Day to all my hypothetical chums who happen to be fathers, daddies, poppies, steps, gramps, pa- whatever you are called by the children you do right by.

For myself, its more of a celebration of family than anything else- sure, there’s a-gonna be beer and chlorine and yummy food, but also community, good-will happiness enough to go around=) Stay safe and make sure they know you love em… even if they are knuckle-heads.

The Things We Choose To Care About

2009-05-30T14:01:00.000-07:00

Seriously, thank God for internet nerds with too much time on their hands. This fan-made trailer goes under the 'awesome' heading for a variety of reasons, not the least of which being it's ability to make me smile on an otherwise bleak day.

Thank you Trav, it's good to hear from you=)

2009-05-26T11:58:00.000-07:00

My good chum Trav recently shared an awesome little ditty by Norm Sherman detailing the dangers of industrial waste, atomic testing and the Japanese monster movie sub-culture. The song is called "Radioactive Runaways" and its definitely worth checking out. Very clever lyrics and expert guitar craft combine to tell a humorous tale and iff'n it brightens your day a bit (as it did mine) be sure to send both the artist and Trav a little good ju-ju in way of thanks.

Listening to a song about a monster battle royal in the streets of Tokyo caused me to reflect on all the interesting and excellent music I have been exposed to in the past few years. This, in turn, reminded me of another pastime of mine- sort of a musical hobby I have where I am constantly on the look out for covers, the acoustic guitar variety in particular. Here is a small sample:

I begin with this young lady because the combination of her talent, her chosen surroundings and the look on her face give the impression that she is expressing actual sentiment rather than singing simply for the sake of hearing herself which, to me, is always worth a few extra points. Regardless of whether my interpretation of her 'tude is correct, it pleases and comforts me to share this little bit with the few people in my life who I know enjoy this song. Btw, this young lady's sobriquet is thebathroomgirl and she has quite a few covers and original pieces on her site... they are all worth investigating.

Hey Ya -covered by Obadiah Parker. I recently heard Ted's rendition of this cover on an episode of 'Scrubs' and while I always enjoy Sam Lloyd's musical stylings, Matt Weddle's version is still my fav.

Flagpole Sitta -covered by Julia Nunes. I was introduced to this artist as my friend Brian's "Ukulele-playing girlfrend who lives in the internets".

The Climb -covered by Tiffyiffyiffy. The other night Blonde-girl and Angry-girl were both waxing rhapsodic about a Miley Cyrus song they had heard so when I noticed that one had been covered (and greatly appreciated) I thought I would give it a shot. While I enjoy this cover, I have yet to hear the original and it's not likely I will unless something extrordinary occurs.

3AM -covered by Mike McBee. While I've never been a big fan of Matchbox20, I find myself really enjoying this young man's soulful rendition.

Brothers in Arms -covered by MrLoupiot. Although his ability to sing is far outweighed by his impressive guitar craft I still found myself listening to this cover over and over. It serves as a potent (and painful) reminder of the limitations laid upon me by The Cosmos and my own filthy, clumsy human hands.

Fast Car Acoustic Guitar Lesson -brought to you by Handsome Alvin. The lesson is so comprehensive and yet easily followed it's now distracting me from my current project.

*To Rabbit: I hope you noticed that 3 of the 7 artists listed here are female.

-and-

*To There4: I hope you noticed that 3 of the 7 artists listed here are aZn.

-and-

*To Tanner: Thank you for introducing me to James Blunt. You shipped out almost immediately after we graduated from whiskey w/10thMTN and that was the last I have heard of you. Wherever you are, battle, I hope you are well.

Me versus The Cosmos

2009-05-26T11:10:00.001-07:00

You are The Tower

Ambition, fighting, war, courage. Destruction, danger, fall, ruin.

The Tower represents war, destruction, but also spiritual renewal. Plans are disrupted. Your views and ideas will change as a result.

The Tower is a card about war, a war between the structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth. The Tower stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." You have been shaken up; blinded by a shocking revelation. It sometimes takes that to see a truth that one refuses to see. Or to bring down beliefs that are so well constructed. What's most important to remember is that the tearing down of this structure, however painful, makes room for something new to be built.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

*you know, I don't think I've gotten a good one of these yet=) I looked through the source code and discovered that there are indeed 'good' ones (nicer ones, anyways) lurking in the possible results... I had a similar experience in my miscreant youth when a Magic 8-Ball stubbornly refused to tell me anything other than "It is uncertain" and "Ask again later".

Summer Of Fun

2009-05-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day is here! It’s the official beginning of the summer-fun season replete with sunshine, chlorine, bonfire/grill antics and movies. Today is also the day we choose to celebrate my Sister’s b-day with some chicken-y goodness and corn on the cob.

At some point today we will also go check out the latest Terminator movie complete with CGI-Arnold. Now, I’ve read the script, read the reviews and interviews and after some reflection I’ve decided that I am still optimistic about this effort by nouveau artist McG. (ug, I know, I know…) Despite the unevenness of his previous works (apparently he had some difficulty controlling Bill Murray’s ego on the set of Charlie’s Angels… seriously? Bill Murray’s ego?) I realized that no matter who was involved, I really only have simple needs when it comes genre films with only a few exceptions.

As an example: Terminator Salvation.
Q. Does it have a Terminator in it?
A. Yes.
Q. Does said Terminator run around doing Terminator things? I.e. Blowing shit up, showing bits of endoskeleton, being a nigh-unstoppable killing machine? You know, being Terminator-esque?
A. Yes.

This guy = mollified.

This dirt-simple equation works (for me) for nearly everything in the related fields.

Another example: Any Zombie Movie.
Q. Zombies in the flick?
A. Check.

Now I know, zombie flicks are supposed to be about biting (lol) social commentary but I really enjoy them for their survival horror aspect and as long as there are infected/effected MoB’s rolling around while peeps are trying to, er… survive, then I’m good.

I find that this easily digestible philosophy works rather well in many other aspects of my life:

Yet another example: My Friends.
Q. Me like you?
A. Check.

The result being I go outta’ my way to spend time with you. Everything else seems like minor details like the difference between adding rosemary or saffron to the risotto.

*Risotto, btw, is NOT on today’s menu, as much as I enjoy it. Today we will be serving Grilled Chicken n’ 40 cloves, grilled white corn w/ garlic-butter dressing, deviled-egg potato salad and melon. Gawd, I can already smell the chicken=)

Hopefully today will bring it’s own pleasant surprises rather than the couple unpleasant ones that have already been cropped up. If not, then I shall remain optimistic in any case as there is always next Memorial Day, right?

Candy is Delicious

2009-05-15T10:40:00.001-07:00

/sigh... there's NEVER any candy.

Sex & The Male Mind

2008-06-10T17:16:00.000-07:00

As I am terribly bored and currently have no one to torture here in the clinic, I thought that I would write my next posting for you, my hypothetical chum.

It occurred to me that I have never detailed my experiences with There4 and his favorite shake-joint. I shall correct this at once.

Now, you wouldn’t know it to look at him but There4 is fairly experienced at the whole strip-bar culture thing whereas I have only gone just a few times. (And have never been all that impressed, btw) By day, he is a mild-mannered Asian guy with a penchant for Warhampster, but, following him into this particular establishment you will witness a startling transformation. When he rolls into the joint, he does so in true rock-star fashion, my hand to God. All the employees know him by his strip-club pseudonym and he is immediately escorted to his favorite spot… by the stage, of course. The waitress hurries over and, just as often as not, the dancers will buy him drinks.

-just an aside here: as you may or may not know, none of the dancers or wait staff use their real names when introducing themselves. Its always a stage name in order to throw off the creeps and weirdoes that frequent those places. In response to this, I decided that I (and everyone that came with me) should not only have a stage name themselves but also an entire back story ready to go at a moments notice. For example: My name was ‘Gunnar Johansen’ (sEn, not sOn, mind you) from Queensland, Australia, mate. Yeah. My accent, while far from perfect (I would drift between a Monty Python ‘G’day, Bruce’ aussie accent to a decidedly Mike Myers-esque Scottish brogue) was in the very least fluid enough to keep up all night. That wasn’t the hard part… I’ll get to the hard (heh) part in just a moment.

The evening begins with scantily-clad girls sidling up to the table and sitting on a random lap. I should state that there were several ladies here that Ther4 was on a more-than-friendly basis with and whoever wasn’t dancing or schmoozing some poor Joe would be planted at the table.

Now, just for clarification, let me say this: Some of the awful stereotypes you have heard about strippers are true, although there were a couple… say ‘Autumn’ for example, that turned out to be real sweethearts and with whom I now have a lasting friendship. It was ‘Autumn’ btw that after she started dating a friend of mine and realizing my discomfort with her nakedness (naked-ity?), delighted in torturing me with her presence. Nude. In a very, very not-clothed way. She would sit on my lap (something she had never done until she recognized my discomfort) and ask for advice on various musculo-skeletal issues, the answers to which would often require a ‘hands-on’ explanation. Now, anyone who knows anything about what I do for the army knows that it is ALL very hands-on, all very physical. You have to be comfortable with your personal space in order to do anything effectively in PT. Needless to say, there was a lot of pantomime involved, all of it very ‘hands-above-the-table’, if you will.

-Here’s a great question that I never thought I would have to ask: Have any of you men out there ever tried to keep an erection from happening for a prolonged period of time? Like, for over an hour? Its sort of the erectile equivalent of an endurance sport. Like soccer, really.

On one particular occasion (the very last time I went, as a matter of fact) I got to witness what can only be described as a ‘stripper feeding frenzy’. I was broke from having to buy a Passat and my good chum There4 was flush and he wanted to go ‘make it rain’ but didn’t want to go alone. So there I was with There4 buying my drinks (and a bunch of drinks for the ladies too) when I realized there was hardly anyone in the club with us. The ladies must have noticed this as well as they all began to congregate around our table. I looked up and There4 was nowhere to be found. He had ambled off to chat up a bartender he liked leaving me, penniless, at the mercy of voracious strippers.

-It should be noted here that there are rules for going to strip club, the first of which I have already mentioned. There second is this: if you enjoy the naked-osity of the ladies dancing (or whatever) then you MUST pay. Normally, it works like this- If you are looking up at the stage and the dancer makes eye contact with you, you are then obligated to approach the stage and show your appreciation by way of dollar bills. You see? Looking at the stage means you were enjoying the show, enjoying the show means you have to pay. The trick is to enjoy the show WITHOUT making eye contact with the dancer, that is, unless you WANT to go up and tip her and perhaps get a little extra for your efforts. It should also be noted here that while some of the dancers were friends of ours (and sweetie-pies to boot) none of the nice ones were working there that night. Yikes.

I gently extricated myself from the gyrating horde and found my wayward friend who, after a bit of explaining, convinced me that I needed to play the ‘bad guy’ and rescue him from the women who were circling his table by proclaiming that I needed him to take me back to the bay as I had yadda yadda yadda to do in the morning. The plan went off without a hitch until I proclaimed that he needed to take me back to the bay in front of the ladies.

In retrospect, I am able to visualize the scene and describe it like this: It was like a shot out of a Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom episode where the female lions had already injured the prey and were taking turns running it down. The gazelle’s only chance is to reach the safety of the river bank but the water’s edge is soooo far away and the lionesses are fast and hungry.

In the end, the leader (the ALPHA-stripper, if you will) bartered a settlement in which we would be allowed to leave but only after we had tipped every woman at the table, the rationale being that we saw them all nekkid and therefore owed them for the service. Thankfully There4 stepped up and paid my portion as well as his own as I was totally prepared to trip him as I ran out of the place, leaving him to the lionesses and humping it back to the bay.

It shouldn’t be a wonder to you, dear reader, why I didn’t go back. The good news is that I got to see my dear friend ‘Autumn’ one last time before we headed north. Karaoke saves the day, once again.

Color Me Distracted

2008-06-10T09:17:00.000-07:00

Two names you go by: Taylor, Poppy
Two things you are wearing right now: Dog tags, white socks.
Two of your favorite things: Hmmm... People I love & medicine.
Two things you want very badly at the moment: Contact & to be free of worry.
Two favorite pets you have/had: Duke (dog) & Oscar (cat).
Two things you did last night: Worked on my paper & did my ‘CPT Loro’ workout.
Two things you ate today: A 90 calorie protein bar and... then another protein bar.
Last two people you talked to: Therefore and a patient.
Two things you plan on doing tomorrow: Hitting the gym & getting some Vietnamese food.
Two longest trips taken in the last five years: A road trip from San Antonio, TX to West Point, NY by way of Luckenbach, TX – Athens, GA – Atlantic City, NJ.
Two favorite holidays: Lent and Halloween.
Two favorite beverages: Green Tea & red wine.

100 Things About Me

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
I prefer them closed but simply for cosmetic reasons.

Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
No.

Have you ever 'done it' in a hotel room?
Done what? I’m not exactly sure what’s being implied here=)

Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Yes... although not lately and there are many, many more I would like to have for my very own.

Are you eating anything right now?
Nope.

Who do you think reads these?
I’m not sure anyone reads these... at least, not in their entirety.

Do you have a calendar in your room?
Other than the one in the lower right hand corner of my computer? Nope.

Where are you?
Alone in NY.

What's your plan for the day?
I’m going to eat a light lunch then I’m going to return to torturing patients for my own amusement.

Are you reading any books right now?
No, the only stuff I’m reading nowadays is medical journals and field manuals.

Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
I do, sadly. I count paces when I walk and run.

Have you ever peed in the woods?
Yes, indeed.

Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
There always seems to be music playing in my head so sometimes I find myself bopping along to music no one else can hear.

What is your "Song of the Week"?
The DJ Erb mix of Gimme Some Lovin’ by The Blues Brothers and Low by FloRider

Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
It’s not pink! It’s SALMON.

Do you still watch cartoons?
I don’t have anything in particular against cartoons but, no, not really. I’ll probably watch WALL*E when it comes out.

Whats your favorite love movie?
Hmmm... A.I.

What do you drink with dinner?
Water with lemon or green tea.

What do you dip Chicken Nuggets in?
Yow... I try not to eat chicken nuggets.

What is your favorite food/cuisine?
Asian cuisine.

What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Fight Club, Sin City, Big Trouble in Little China... too many to count, really.

Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Nope.

Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Wow... in a different world and in a different body, perhaps.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
I write letters occasionally, more lately than ever before... I just don’t send them.

Can you change the oil in a car?
Yes.

Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Yes, before my OCD started dictating my driving habits.

Run out of gas?
Yup.

Favorite kind of sandwich?
There’s a great Vietnamese Baguette that I’ve been lovin’ on lately.

Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Supplements, a protein bar and a bottle of water.

What is your usual bedtime?
It depends on when I have to get up in the morning... I like to get 7-8 hrs of sleep a night.

Are you lazy?
I often try to be.

When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
Ninjas, mostly.

Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Nope.

Which are better, legos or lincoln logs?
Legos.

Are you stubborn?
I try to be reasonable, but, yeah, I guess I’m a bit stubborn.

Who is better Leno or Letterman?
Letterman... not that I watch either of these 2 guys or anything, Leno has always seemed to be a pretender after Jonny Carson.

Ever watch soap operas?
Nope.

Afraid of heights?
My dear, yes.

Sing in the car?
Yes

Dance in the car?
No, but wouldn’t it be interesting if I could?

Ever used a gun?
Yes.

Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Some musicals ARE cheesy... some are clever.

Is Christmas stressful?
Yup.

Favorite type of fruit pie?
Apple.

Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
A pilot, hands down. Then I grew up and realized that I hate flying.

Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes.

Ever have a deja-vu feeling?
Continuously, although it seems to benefit me in no way what so ever.

Do you take a vitamin daily?
Yup.

Wear slippers?
Just shower shoes.

Wear a bath robe?
No

What do you wear to bed?
Nada.

Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart?
None of the above.

Nike or Adidas?
Nike, they make very nice running shoes.

Cheetos Or Fritos?
Fritos, mixed together into a Frito-chili pie.

Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Peanuts... mixed into a diet Coke.

Ever hear of "gorp"?
The owrld according to...? nope, that’s something else.

Ever taken karate?
Yes.

Can you curl your tongue?
Yup.

Ever won a spelling bee?
Nope.

Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Yup.

Own a record player?
I think there is one in my backyard still.

Ever been in love?
A few times.

Hot tea or cold tea:
Both, in their proper times and places.

Tea or coffee?
See above.

Favorite kind of cookie?
My dear friend, Rabbit, makes a cookie that I am head over heels in love with.

Can you swim well?
I do swim well.

Can you hold your breath without manually holding your nose?
Yes.

Are you patient?
Not as such, no.

Ever had plastic surgery?
Nope.

Which are better black or green olives?
Green... good with martinis, good in meatloaf.

Can you knit or crochet?
No, but I can apply a running suture if you need me to.

Wash room or bathroom?
Washroom.

Do you want to get married?
I am married.

Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
No, I generally just figure out a way to get what I want.

Do you have kids?
Yes.

Do you want kids?
More? Hmmm.

Who do you wanna see right now?
Many, many folks, my boyos most especially.

Candy is Delicious

2008-06-09T15:19:00.000-07:00

It’s a bit slow here in the clinic this afternoon so I thought I’d share with you, my hypothetical reader, a few of the things that have been going on here in my world.

With the vast majority of cadets on vacation or doing training off-post during first block, we are left with only a handful of ‘brokens’ to (have to deal with) help rehabilitate. That’s just fine by me, at least in the short term, as I have another class to prepare and deliver. This time it’ll be on Chronic Exertional Compartment Syndrome (CECS), another lower extremity malady that I am personally acquainted with. I am a bit reluctant to bring up my symptoms as the orthopedic surgeons here all seem a bit bored and are all too eager to cut a brother open. No thanks, guys; I’ve gots stuff to do, not the least of which is being prepared for the EFMB come October.

Lets see, what’s been going on since my last update? Ah, I am now stationed at the US military academy at West Point, NY. The barracks they have us in are nice, although anything better than a cardboard box or shelter half is a definite step up from the barracks at Ft. Sam. They are single person rooms, non-smoking, of course. I have a bathroom that I share with my next door neighbor, four storage closets, a desk and a king-sized bed. The bed is definitively the high point after months and months of sleeping on a hard single-sized bed although I do find myself picking a spot to sleep on and staying there all night long, lol. Literally an acre of bed to roll around on and I invariably end up next to the clock every morning. There are no restrictions on food or alcohol in the barracks and we can have overnight guests for up to a week before having to inform the chain of command. All in all, not so bad for this guy.

What can I say about the academy that hasn’t already been said? I know, this: The cadets are, without exception, retarded. Oh yeah. See, I had a solidly preconceived notion about the, er, quality of the kids that are selected to go here. Indeed, aside from the arduous first year, the hardest thing about this place is getting to come here. So, the kids that come here know a bit more about perseverance and responsibility than their counterparts at colleges and universities. That is where the differences end, no joke. Now, I live in a party-college town, CSUC is in fact THE party college in California. As a result, I am familiar with the asshatery that comes of college students who are given their first bit of freedom and subsequently lose their damn minds. Yup, they’re retarded. And so are the kids here, by and large. This example is a snippet of an actual conversation I had with one of my patients:

Them: My knees hurt.

Me: Well, did you do anything this weekend that could have possibly caused this?

Them: No, nothing out of the ordinary.

Me: What’s ‘ordinary’? (This question proved to be too complicated so I decided to simplify it by asking, “What did you do this weekend?”)

Them: I ran the Boston Marathon.

Me: You ran a marathon?

Them: Yeah, I’m on the marathon team!

Me: And you say your knees hurt? -This is followed by several moments of me blinking at them and them blinking right back at me. Its this whole blinking thing and it takes a bit of effort to break free of it.

Me: Stop running marathons.

Let me explain a bit here: after joining the army I had to learn how to run and now its a regular part of my life. I don’t hate it, its good for clearing your mind and it’s a great cardio workout. I run 2-3 miles every day. I do NOT run marathons. Every single long distance competition runner I’ve met has a lower body malady of some sort. 100 percent serious injury rate. And they all look like they need a YooHoo and a sandwich, stat. /sigh.

An MRI was ordered and after four short years of running marathons as a collegiate sport, this particular cadidiot needed meniscus graphs on both knees. 6-9 months of painful rehab later and she will likely want to start running marathons again.

Hmmm, what else? Ah, my counterpart (we will call him ‘Therefore’) and I visited the Big Apple and took in some of the sights. The thing I liked the best was Chinatown, it was awesome. We had lunch at a dimsum restaurant that offered cart service. If you have never had the pleasure, you should check it out! It was a fun way to be served and the food was amazing. Overall, the city was much cleaner than I was led to believe, probably thanks to ex-mayor Rudy. Times Square was magnificent and the NY public library was incredible. I rode a lion. Apparently, there’s a big statue somewhere in the harbor, but we’ll have to check that one out at another date.

I have also recently realized that while I am not especially fond of sick people, I seem to have a knack for medicine. The next big step for me education/army-wise is to submit a packet for the PA school. The only sad part is its back in San Antonio again for the didactic portion and then an internship at any of a dozen crappy postings. All told, it’ll be 2 years that I am out and about on Uncle Sam’s dime. That’s okay by me. Luckily, the soonest I could be accepted is spring of ’10. That leaves some wiggle room with regards to family and friends back home and, hey, it beats the hell out of 18 months in the big sandbox, ja? The more I realize that the army is a significant portion of my life, the more comfortable I become with the various rigors and challenges that are presented to me.

Not all has been good news, however. Recently I have had to mourn the passing of a wonderful relationship. Truth be told, it didn’t die so much as evolve into something different, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that my understanding of it evolved. Either way, it is not the same as I had once enjoyed and its loss saddens me. I still occasionally feel ghost sensations from it like the amputee who still feels his wedding ring.

Bah, enough of this maudlin nonsense.

Music-wise, I am still listening to the same stuff as always with the exception being the introduction of stripper-music, thanks to Therefore. My latest love affair is “Paper Planes” by M.I.A. There’s just something compelling about the music combined with her accent contrasted by the subtly adult lyrics. Her whole album is a bit off center, interestingly so.

Breathing Out So You Can Breath Me In

2008-04-17T19:18:00.000-07:00

Tonite the cigarette craving is upon me, its dirty, smelly hooks driven in deep. Normally, if its after 8 pm on a school night and I get a craving I would find a little private time (iff’n you know what I mean) or go to sleep or both. Tonite, I cannot. I foolishly thought I could do a little reading while simultaneously doing a little laundry. As luck (or the Cosmos) would have it I found myself reading about smoking and the net effect was/is devastating. I am unable to go to bed as my stuff just got put in the dryer and, as anyone who has ever used a public (military) laundry can attest, the world is teeming with thieves so it must be guarded.

*as a side note here, I can say that I am truly and honestly baffled by the idea of underwear theft. Personally, I don’t want anything that has been near another guy’s junk. (Women, for my part, are obviously excluded here. I mean lets face it: if a woman wants something of yours to wear there’s just no way you can stop her.) When, in basic, someone had to borrow my towel, I told him, “Sure… just buy me another one when you get a chance.” This is because, if it rubs against your junk, it belongs to you now. No amount of chlorine or disinfectant will change this fact.

I suddenly realized that I am literally surrounded by smokers and I wonder to myself if now is the time to quit. Ive got birthdays and road trips and finals to do still. Ive got to give a class on Patella-Femoral Pain Syndrome while somehow faking Subject Matter Expert-level knowledge in front of a panel of folks who know a hell of a lot more about the knee than I ever will.

Anyways, that’s my bit of whining for tonite. I hope you all sleep well in your addiction-free beds and dream of the things that make you smile.

-ps, if you all are wondering, I’ve recently added Dropkick Murphys and Drivin’ N Cryin to my playlist. If you’re familiar with me and/or either of these 2 groups you can probably figure out which songs in particular.

And So It Is… One Mo’ Time…

2008-04-15T18:25:00.000-07:00

What's one my mind? Hmm.

Regular (lol) readers of this blog may notice a trend here. If you, my hypothetical friend, guessed “Yoshi gets drunk and blogs about once a frickin’ year”, then you’re not too far off the mark. Its not that I haven’t anything to write about, on the contrary, my year has been interesting, at least in the Chinese proverbial sense.

What’s been happening lately? Well, some good stuff, some bad, you get the idea, ja? Lets see…

A while back my evil twin and I found out that we would be going to the same place for 10 weeks after we finished here. Shortly after receiving the news a plan (of sorts) was hatched: we should travel together, save a bunch of money by sharing expenses, visit with some dear friends along the way and possibly hit Atlantic City and witness a mob slaying. Good times, ja?

Well, the first snag hit when his car, outta the blue starts overheating. Well, the author of this page is a fairly handy guy, so we took his car apart and after much knuckle-bruising and forearm-burning, we fixed it. Not one week later, my darling wife calls to tell me that our old Nissan is broken down because it was overheating.

Now, to the casual observer it would appear that these two instances are unrelated. However, readers may remember that I am locked into an epic battle with the Cosmos. (If you are not familiar with my plight just know that there is history between the Cosmos and I, oh yes. There was some name calling involved, some general asshattery from all parties but for the most part it seemed as though there was an uneasy truce between the Cosmos and I. In fact, last year was one of my favorite years yet.) From my slightly skewed perspective it would seem that the Cosmos had broken our truce and in it’s Seinfeld-type sense of humor decided it would poke me. As though there were a finite amount of overheating ju-ju rolling around the universe and it placed me in a situation where I would happily help out my friends, unknowing that the Cosmos was just around the corner, sniggering into its hand.

I see, Cosmos… well played.

Cosmos 1
Me 0

As some of you may know, for reasons both subtle and obvious I recently took up smoking again.
*a patient pause here to allow the booing and the hissing to die down.

Well, worry not friends; I have once again given it up… again. Yes, just like that. No, its not easy (at all) I’ve just done it so many times I’ve gotten really good at it. Last time it sucked quite a bit but I was in a state of flux coming here to this new school and I had peeps I could bother both day and night whenever I needed the distraction. This time not so much. Last time the stars seemed to align wonderfully and somehow I was able to pick up a replacement habit easily. This time, I’ve got practical exams, presentations, birthdays, regular exams, roommates and regular army BS to deal with. Oh, and did I mention that there are reasons that are both subtle and obvious? I did? ‘k.

Anyhoo, iff’n you get a moment, send a little good ju-ju my way as it seems we once more find ourselves pitted against our age-old rival, the American Navy… er, I mean the Cosmos. Sorry, I was channeling Sean Connery there for a moment. Anyways, where was I? Ah, yes.
“Once more, down to the beach, my dear friends…” lol, wish me luck.

And So It Is... Again

2007-09-26T20:12:00.000-07:00

This morning, while getting the boyos ready for school, I took a few moments to myself and sat on my back porch drinking my coffee and noticing (one again) how much steam was coming off of my beloved pool. This occurs when the ambient temperature outside is far cooler than the temperature of the pool's water and while it looks neat, what with the whole 'having a miniature Scottish moor in my backyard' it also served as a potent reminder that the summer is indeed over and the pool is far too cold to get into and have nearly-naked fun in.

Sad but true.

All is not downer-town however as the falling mercury and the shortening days acts as a herald for my favorite time of year, fall. The leaves are nice, the coming holidays are great and the smell of woodsmoke is damn-near an aphrodisiac for me but the thing I like the best is the cold. That's me, I like the cold. Not Oklahoma-cold, mind you, California-cold... just take my word for it, there is a world of difference between the two. I would sometimes muse (between wondering if my fingers would ever work properly again and trying to decide if my battle-buddy was succumbing to hypothermia) if the residents of Oklahoma had in some way angered God and that simply being in Oklahoma was some kind of punishment right outta the Old Testament.

Anyways, I like it when it's cold. I like snuggling under warm, heavy blankets. I like making those warm comfort foods that are so impractical during the summer months like homemade soups, stews and roasts.

This fall will also bring with it joyous events (as seasons often do) like my youngest son's birthday, Halloween and the birth of my dear friends' newest child. If we are all very lucky another dear friend will visit from across the country to decide for herself if the left coast is all its cracked up to be.

In any case it's easy for me to be optimistic in my point of view, at least as far as the few things I've mentioned go which is unusual in and of itself as 'optimism' and 'Chris' are not generally paired with each other , not in any positive way, generally. Truth be told, I've always been a bit pessimistic in my out view (at least, in the George Will sense) and, since the truth is being told, dour. That's okay, I have high hopes for the future and I've learned that faith and faithfulness can get you a long, long way in this world. Just don't forget to pack your band-aids... and wear a cup.

Only 31% Dumb / Dork/ Awkward? Don't you believe it.

2007-09-26T08:58:00.000-07:00

How sad is it that this is the one thing out of all those interwebs that catches my eye enough to blog it? /sigh... I've really got to find a hobby=)

An Easter Return

2007-04-08T13:14:00.000-07:00

Easter Greetings, all. I hope this holiday Sunday finds you all happy and relatively comfortable. I am having a pretty good day, personally. Actually, all of my days have been pretty good as of late… you know, everything being relative and all.

Why is everything so peachy for me? Well, for one thing, I am now able to talk to my family every day, and for me, that’s a very good thing. The other day my darling wife sent me my wedding band in the hope that I had lost enough weight at Ft. Sill to be able to put it on. Well, friends, on my finger it now resides and forever there it shall remain. For just under four years it’s been staying put, quietly passing the time in drawers or on a hook near my workstation and whenever I would run cross it, it would always feel as though a piece of my soul were detached. Four freakin’ years! Never again, lol.

On a more materialistic level, I got my hands on this zippy new laptop and broadband card! Also, I’m not getting yelled on every dern day for other people’s mistakes. That’s a big win for me. Also-also, I was able to spend a bit of time with my darling wife, in the flesh, so to speak. It was awesome, definitely the high point of the year.

I don’t know how much longer all this relative freedom and happiness will last (it’ll probably end rather abruptly this Friday and go back to the way it was for a few weeks) but while it lasts I’m a-gonna take advantage of it. Phone calls, e-mails, letters, comics, books (Thx Ev and J) and movies are in my future, you know, along with push-ups, boots and classes.

Thank you to everyone who wrote and sent happy thoughts to me while I was in that awful place (Oklahoma was and is pretty sucky)as I honestly believe it was your support more than anything internal to me that got me through it. Thank you thank you thank you.

Far, Far Away

2007-01-11T17:39:00.000-08:00

... so much for my 'PG-13' blog, lol...

(Sorry about the StarWars erotica being up for so long, lol)

A Baby-Doll T-Shirt For The Wife

2007-01-11T17:23:00.000-08:00

Hajj

2007-01-03T19:44:00.000-08:00

It occurred today that it's more of a pilgrimage of sorts, more or less a ‘Journey To The Center Of Chris And His Asshat Motivations”.

Anyways, for whatever reasons, here are the projected dates:

Report to in-processing 17 January.

Begin BMT @ Ft. Sill, OK, 26 January.

Begin AIT @ Ft. Sam Houston, TX, (fricken TEXAS again!) 16 April.

Return to loving family and friends on or around 10 August. (Swimsuits and hamburger buns, yay!)

More to come

More Than Meets The... sigh...

2006-12-27T21:01:00.001-08:00

My oldest son and I watched the new Transformers movie trailer this morning and he is, sadly, enthusiastic. I'm sure you will agree that the event will be stunning visually but for my money it already shows the hallmarks of a crass, soulless, money-grubbing, idiotic escapade. And of course I'll go see it. I will sit in the theater with my friends and my children and I will drink it in knowing that this is the best we are likely gonna get. And a small piece of me will perish during the event, a victim of disappointment and compromise.

btw, my son and I can name damn-near all of the G-1 and -2 Transformers and we could only recognize 2 of em from this trailer... the rest looked like an evil bastardization of Gundam, Gobots (oh, the friggin' humanity) and those crappy claymation robots from Robot Jox.

...of Michael Bay

There can be no doubt: the man has been lobotomized. Indeed, there is no man left. The meat continues to twitch, electrical accidents birthing grotesque jerks in the unknowing beef. It speaks! But it does not give us language. It is like unto the wind blowing through a pile of skulls.

Jack Is Back... You May or May Not Know Him

2006-12-22T10:49:00.000-08:00

Being the huge freakin' geek that I am, YDKJ is a guilty pleasure for me from way, way back=)
Enjoy

Asshats Among Us

2006-12-21T22:52:00.000-08:00

"The Muslim representative from Minnesota was elected by the voters of that district and if American citizens don't wake up and adopt the Virgil Goode position on immigration there will likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Koran,"

Rep. Virgil Goode of the Commonwealth of Virginia
postulating on the future of the Democratic process.

"I will not be putting my hand on the Quran,"

Again, Rep. Virgil Goode of the Commonwealth of Virginia at a news conference Thursday at the Franklin County Courthouse where he was apparently afraid that physical contact with a holy book from outside his own religion would cause the flesh on his hand to curl and smoke.

Honestly, what is the big scare here? What is this guy so afraid of? His asshat grievance is tantamount to saying that I shouldn’t be allowed to swear an oath using a Roman Catholic bible… that the only acceptable thing to swear an official, non-secular, governmental oath on would be a selection from his personal collection of King James bibles or some such.

Not being particularly adept at scathing word-play, I have not used the links above to let the gentleman in question know how I feel, however, if you, my gentle-enlightened-hypothetical reader would like to, please be my guest.

I have a feeling that prayers don’t work like this, Lord, but if you could see to it that the Ghost of Diversities Future visits this asshat and makes him into a communist, homosexual, mulatto, Islamic-Jew, that would be just great. If that’s asking too much, perhaps it’ll be enough that he simply loses his seat during the next election cycle… and that his children don’t grow up to be like him… that would also be just fine.

Yay for the Garden State

2006-12-15T09:18:00.001-08:00

New Jersey is 3rd state to allow gay civil unions

The Legislature moves swiftly after it was ordered to allow same-sex marriages or create an equivalent.

-its more than I had expected and yet less than I hoped for... and shame on the rest of our great (civil) union for not seeing the common sense-moral/legal imperative of the situation and swiftly following suit... now, if only we could simultaneously de-criminalize MJ...

Yet More T-Shirts

2006-12-14T16:43:00.000-08:00

Charisma Carpenter is a Slammin' Hottie

2006-12-14T11:52:00.001-08:00

I'd post a pic or two but this isn't that kind of site =)

p.s. thx to Danger for lettin' me borrow his 5th season 'Angel' DVD... while the season as a whole felt rushed and disjointed, there were more than a few shining moments including ~~Cordelia's plunging neckline~~ the resolution of the Cordelia character.

when the clowns all get here, I'll be the one by the fishbowl

Color Me Distracted

2006-12-14T08:43:00.000-08:00

My Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom (I knew it)

What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

Quiz Link

My Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well.
You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return.

Your flirting style: Friendly

Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe

Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish

What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

Quiz Link

My Japanese Name Is...

Souta Kobayashi

Quiz Link

My Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.

And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek.

You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships.

It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

Quiz Link

My Penis Name Is...

100% All-Beef Thermometer

Quiz Link

My Observation Skills Get A B-

Your senses are pretty sharp (okay, most of the time)
And it takes something big to distract you!

Quiz Link

I Am 36% Abnormal

I am at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that I have no soul.

I am at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that I am a chaotic mess.

I am at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that I am in love with my own reflection.

I am at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that I feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

I am at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that I am addicted to hand sanitizer.

Quiz Link

Associations

2006-12-13T15:32:00.000-08:00

Alphaville

Forever young

Ann Rice’s vampires

Crappy vampire movies

The resurgence of zombie movies

Groundskeeper Willie exclaiming, “Ach! Zombies!”

Scottish and Irish brogues

The Cranberries

Dark-haired women with pale skin and light eyes (brogue is optional but a definite plus)

Linda Carter’s Wonder Woman

Sherilyn Fenn in a Wonder Woman costume

Laura Prepon in a dominatrix outfit

The GIGANTIC checkout girl at the Albertson’s on East Ave. (every time I see her I have the urge to climb her like I’m making an ascent up K-2. *everyone I’ve ever slept with has been shorter than me, consequently, when we are spooning her feet would always be on top of my feet… I’ve always wondered what the foot arrangement would be while sleeping with someone taller than me.)

I was recently challenged to record and blog an example of my train of thought, sort of a connect-the-dots line of thinking much like the old word association game we used to play.

'Abled' as a state of mind

2006-12-05T08:38:00.000-08:00

My dear friend Sierra was having an awful time the other day while hunting for a parking spot so I decided to make these or her=)

Record-breaking Meme

2006-11-30T18:09:00.000-08:00

1. How old do you wish you were?
25… there just seemed to be more time to do all the nothing I wanted to do back then.

2. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
In bed.

3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
The last place I was that had a pilferous vending machine also has a sign on the machine stating that if you allowed it to take YOUR money without a fight, soon it would have no fear of man at all and would soon start stealing babies out of cribs. As a result every tasty transaction was bordered on all sides with the promise of violence.

4. Do you consider yourself kind?
I try to be, despite what the Cosmos thinks.

5. If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be?
hmm… perhaps ‘WP’… you know, to go under my lightning bolt!

6. If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be?
Latin, hands down.

7. Do you know your neighbors?
I do not although we know that the old lady next door is super-punctual with her garbage bins and whenever we see them at the curb for longer than a day we fear for her life.

8. What do you consider a vacation?
Any time out of the norm that allows me to recharge and reconnect with myself or my loved ones.

9. Do you follow your horoscope?
Nope.

10. Would you move for the person you loved?
I’ve done it many times and will probably do it many more.

11. Are you touchy feely?
I am.

12. Do you believe that opposites attract?
I do.

13. Dream job?
Cushy analyst… it’s the idea of being paid to be judgmental.

14. Favorite channels?
Hmmm… G4, why not?

15. Favorite place to go on a weekend?
Out… even if it’s just for a couple hours: to the movies, to the pub, to my friends’ couch.

16. Showers or bath?
Showers. It’s been a good, long time since I’ve run across a comfortable bathtub with adequate hot water.

17. Do you paint your nails?
Nope.

18. Do you trust people easily?
Yes, but there is a dark part of me that doesn’t trust anyone very far.

19. What are your phobias?
Flying. Spiders. Solitude. Loss. Helplessness. Meeting new people.

20. Do you want kids?
Yup, got two now… We occasionally think about adding another with the hope that it’ll be a girl this time, but, the fever usually breaks rather quickly.

21. Do you keep a handwritten journal?
No.

22. Where would you rather be right now?
ATM? hmmm.

23. What makes you feel warm and safe?
Control.

24. Heavy or light sleep?
I am a heavy sleeper.

25. Are you paranoid?
/thinking hmmm… what do they mean by paranoid? Just answer ‘no’. No.

26. Are you impatient?
I am told that I am. Next question!

27. Who can you relate to?
I’m lucky enough to have cultivated several relationships around me that I can relate to.

28. How do you feel about interracial couples?
I’m a big fan of connections, interracial or otherwise.

29. Have you been burned by love?
No, but I have burned myself several times in this manner.

30. What's your life motto?
”When the clowns all arrive, I’ll be standing over by the fishtank.”

31. What's your main ringtone on your mobile?
Absolutely Cuckoo for when my beebe calls me, Battlestar Galactica for everyone else.

32. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Listening to music.

33. Who was your last text message from?
My darling friend Shel.

34. Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
Mine.

35. What color shirt are you wearing?
Grey.

36. Most recent movie you watched?
Superman II, The Richard Donner Cut.

37. Name five things you have on you at all times?
When I leave the house? Wallet, watch, keys, music and my phone.

38. What color are your bed sheets?
Tan checkers.

39. How much cash do you have on you right now?
Zero.

40. What is your favorite part of chicken?
It’s innocence.

41. What's your favorite town / city?
San Jose, CA. but it’s rapidly losing out to Heutchenhausen, GE.

42. I cant wait ‘til...
July, next year.

43. What did you have for dinner last night?
My world famous potato chowda’.

44. How tall are you barefoot?
5’9”

45. Have you ever smoked crack?
No.

46. Do you own a gun?
Not at present.

47. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Water.

48. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Honesty.

49. Do you have A.D.D.?
I don’t think so but I want to add something about a previous question here if I may. I also like to drink juice in the mornings=)

50. What time did you wake up today?
9-ish?.

51. Current worry?
Hmm. Aint tellin’.

52. Current hate?
Nah, I don’t hate anything... there are lots of things I would change if given the chance but nothing I hate.

53. Favorite place to be?
atm? Under covers=)

54. Where would you like to travel?
Back to europe, for a start... I’ll likely be heading someplace hotter.

55. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
If all goes well, someplace similar to where I am now.

56. Last thing you ate?
Waffles and bacon.

57. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever song is running through my head atm, lately its been a bit of country tho I honestly couldn’t tell you why.

58. Last person that made you laugh?
My darling wife.

59. Worst injury you've ever had?
Pass.

60. Does someone have a crush on you?
I think so=)

61. What is your favorite candy?
Right now I’m digging on these Almond Rocas, yowza are they decadent.

Me versus The Cosmos (pt. 2)

2006-11-30T16:59:00.000-08:00

I believe the universe is about balance, but I also believe that it’s an awful big place full of dark wonders and incredible oddities. It is also my firm belief that not all of it is comprehensible, nor indeed, is the information even applicable in a human sense. That being said (and my rationality firmly established) I also believe the universe has a sense of humor.

Dan Quayle.
Fabio getting hit in the face by a bird while riding a roller coaster.
Sex-scandals of the rich and pious.
And this:

I have recently realized that if I don’t have a bottle of water on hand at all times, I will simply not drink water leading, inevitably, to dehydration, headaches and the heartbreak of chapped lips.

Now that I have a new bottle I guard it jealously, refilling it as needed and never letting it get too far from me.

Earlier, I was feeling a bit snarky towards the universe (we have a history, the Cosmos and I) when, as chance would have it, I dropped the cap to my water bottle. Normally, this wouldn’t mean a big deal as I could simply bend over and pick it up, ja? Well, I happened to be standing five feet away from the only open-air return for our HVAC system and, as luck would have it, the cap fell, bounced once and fell directly into its dusty abyss. This is literally the only place in the whole of the habitable areas of my house where if something falls into it, it is lost forever. What are the chances, right?

I see how it is… well met, Cosmos… touché, even.

Me – 1
Cosmos – 1

Words’ Worth

2006-11-30T00:25:00.000-08:00

I’ve started noticing something interesting involving the power of words and terminologies lately. Here are a few examples and a clumsy segue:

'Secularism' isn’t the opposite of religion or spiritualism… honestly; it’s the desire for an absence of religion and religion-based value judgments from government. Recently ‘secular’ has turned into a denigration thrown about by the modern religious entities, including politicians. Its curious to me that such a term, its utilization prescribed clearly in the first amendment, can be twisted like this.

Another example of the twisting of a words’ meaning to fit into a political or religious lexicon is the term ‘Liberal’. Politically speaking, it wasn’t until the 80’s that the term picked up its negative connotation, literally stepping up into popular use to replace the term ‘Communist’ when it became convenient.

There’s no doubt about it: words have power. But it’s not always about obfuscation or ridiculous political shenanigans. Sometimes its about trust and mood.

The last example is ‘Civil War’. Recently the mainstream media have decided to call a duck a duck and use the term ‘Civil War’ to describe the sectarian violence in Iraq.

"use the term ‘Civil War’ to describe the sectarian violence in Iraq..."

Firstly, kudos to the Times and NBC news for stepping up to the plate and doing the job by publicly stating that they wouldn’t be a part of a semantic, hair-splitting argument with this country’s imperious leader. Secondly, no one who has been paying attention could, in any honesty, describe the ass-hattery in Iraq as anything but a full-fledged civil war. That being said, I was sorta hoping the subterfuge would hold, at least for a while longer.

You see, when you make a big deal about a name-change or a terminology shift, you tend to create a spectacle and attract attention, which is, I am sure, the point. The problem is this: We, as a national collective, are responsible for the instability in Iraq.

"...one of the greatest falsehoods... is that America is thankful for her soldiers’ service..."

Yeah, we went under false pretenses, yup, the post-war was (and IS being) grossly mishandled and (/sigh) yeah, one of the greatest falsehoods perpetrated on the American heartland today is that America is thankful for her soldiers’ service. None of that changes the simple truth that, like it or not, Iraq is a reality and our nation is responsible. And now, with this latest shift in terminology, we have given ourselves the long lost exit strategy, the ‘out’ from the situation that we have all been looking for: Dubya’s ‘cut and run’ come to terrible reality.

Confused? I will explain. Here’s the power of these words: by definition, a ‘Civil War’ is an INTERNAL matter, resolvable only through internal (see: Iraqi) means and without external influence. As though the west would have ANY viable influence in the area if simply left tomorrow, ja? With the terminology’s popular use comes the inevitable sentiment that we should just leave and let them sort it all out.

Doing this would be madness, just as idiotic as picking the fight to begin with. The long-term humanitarian effects would be catastrophic as there still are not even basic services running reliably and the only independent aid organization, the Red Cross, is a very popular target for kidnapping and murder. But that’s not the worst reason.

"...(prematurely leaving Iraq) would be madness... The long-term humanitarian effects would be catastrophic..."

The most compelling reason is, sadly, strategic. Say that stabilization happens overnight, immediately after we withdraw our troops and in spite of the lack of western ‘aid’. This means that they either subjugated their enemies or, worse, they realized that the differences between their ideologies were slight enough to overlook. You would now have an openly hostile, aggressive nation sitting on 2/3 of the petroleum reserves in the Middle East… sitting next door to an historical enemy of the west with strong religious and cultural ties to its populous. This very situation is the reason why we didn’t depose Saddam Hussein in 1991. It’s also the reason why we helped put him into power in the first place.

Folks, we as a nation have an opportunity now to do what’s right by owning up to our collective mistakes. Its only a sad coincidence that supporting the mission means the same (superficially) as supporting Dubya. Our troops deserve better treatment, their sacrifices should not be diminished through intellectual legerdemain and the people of Iraq deserve their shot at peace and a better tomorrow. Particularly because we are responsible for their crappy 'today'.

p.s.
Speaking of the power of words, Kramer dropping the N-bomb on a couple hecklers isn’t the end of the world, hell, its barely even news. There are more important things we should be discussing atm (see above) and it seems to me that hypocritical sensitivity to idiotic name calling shouldn’t even be on a rational adult’s radar.

Newest T-Shirt Design(s) I Wish I Had

2006-11-28T10:08:00.000-08:00

...now, if only I had a contact in a family-run t-shirt printing company… lol.

...and away!!!!

2006-11-26T11:07:00.001-08:00

*from latimes.com

On Tuesday, "Superman II — The Richard Donner Cut" arrives in stores.
Most DVDs labeled "director's cut" are different only around the edges;
this one goes in all new directions by lopping out huge chunks of the
familiar theatrical version and weaving in "lost" scenes salvaged from the vaults.
SEEING IS BELIEVING: Screen-test footage of a young and thin Christopher Reeve as Clark.

I can't wait=)

Na na na na na na na na Katamari Damacy

2006-11-22T15:08:00.000-08:00

here is the link=)

Me versus The Cosmos

2006-11-22T10:46:00.001-08:00

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist.

What Tarot Card are You?

Take the Test to Find Out.

Thanks

2006-11-21T12:29:00.001-08:00

It being the week of American Thanksgiving I thought I would give a quick run-down of the things for which I am thankful.

My family – the peeps that know me well enough to fit into this category know that to my mind marital and blood relations do not necessarily make a family. Rather, it’s the inexorable bonds that lay between us, intertwining us, that no measure of miles or words unsaid (or even words to UNsay) can change. Whether you are under my roof, just a few blocks away, all the way over in WA or lost out there in the ether, you are my family and I am thankful for the way you all enrich my life.

My health – recently, my doc and I decided it was time to drop my blood pressure medication altogether, an event that, to my mind, is tantamount to beating back the ravages of age and the crappy infirmities that go along with it. While there are still some things that I would like to change and a few things that I have come to accept (albeit grudgingly) I’d still have to say that I am right now in the best physical (lol) health that I have been in ten years. This has led to, among other things, the rediscovery of and a renewed interest from members of the opposite sex. This would seem to fall squarely into the category of ‘Sweet’ and I am thankful for it.

My faith – the varying features of my personal faith are difficult to categorize except in the most general way. You see, I am a Catholic and, by default, a Christian, however there are some important distinctions here. Personally, I am more concerned with spirituality in general and less concerned with established religious doctrines and morals. To me, it’s of greater worth to be striving for inner balance and a spiritual connection with the people around you (including the divine) than to blindly follow rules. It’s because of this perceived relationship between myself and the divine that I was able to make some fairly important decisions lately and, having set those decisions and their consequences in motion, am now feeling better about life in general.

Happy Thanksgiving all,

C.

oh, and btw, To all the aboriginal Americans out there: Sorry for stealing your country and stuff.

Nerd-Gamers FTW!

2006-11-16T21:02:00.001-08:00

Recently my friends and I have run into a glut of RPG books in pdf-format. This, when coupled with the use of a semi-capable laptop, allows me to become a mobile encyclopedia of nerd-gaming knowledge, second only (at least in our little circle) to the bookshelf/cabinet located at Danger and Rabbit’s place. When you toss in the automatic dice roller you get from WoTC website and the initiative tracker I’ve been trying to make work you end up with a geek-gaming machine, indeed, a veritable Dork ex machina, that incorporates all aspects of my nerd-gaming addiction. (right, like I’m the only one… raise your hand if you’ve ever killed a kobold.)

Speaking of Danger and his lovely wife Rabbit, these were the nice folks that introduced me to the Steve Jackson line of games including the beloved Munchkin sets. These games are based on the art and humor of John Kovalic, the creator of the web comic Dork Tower. To my delight (and yet, there was no surprise in this at all) I found that these brilliant folks have released their own supplements to the vast D20/Open Game License empire. With wondrous magic items like “Kneepads of Ill-Repute”, “Spiked Codpiece” and the dreaded “Unnatural Axe” you should have no problem at all finding worthy foes and killing them by surprise. Imagine my utter glee when I discovered one of the bad-guys inspired by the Munchkins Monster Manual: You and your party pause at the foot of the low hill as a distant yipping sound reaches your ears. Louder and louder the cacophony builds until the sharp-eyed among you sees them- anthropomorphic dog shapes running at you, but, rather than dogs covered in fur, these all seem to be arboreal creatures covered in grass. Horrors! You have wandered into the forbidden land of Dal-las and face the evil of… The Grassy Gnolls!

I mean, seriously, how do we NOT play this?

You just KNOW there’s a-gonna be at least one archer-type master-blastered onto the backs of one of these puppies if, for no other reason than to say that there is a lone sniper on a Grassy Gnoll!

Perhaps if the others will go for it we’ll play this a bit this weekend=)

Ninja!

2006-11-14T18:21:00.001-08:00

This site is freakin’ hilarious! I discovered this little jewel whilst cruising and foolin around with my new toy-bot. Thx to my good chum Ryan’s cousin for having some cute bits on her site for me to steal=)

New Toys

2006-11-14T16:38:00.001-08:00

This is me, just testing out a new plaything I heard about on Sunday. Apparently, Firefox (read: the awesomeness that IE wants to be) has this great addon that lets you post directly to your blog, spamming away as you surf for ~~porn and haxors toolz~~ news and current events.

...you can also drag and drop pics from other websites directly into yer blog. Sweet.

Advice For My Boyos - Shaving

2006-11-08T21:08:00.000-08:00

*please don’t pay any attention to the following article nor to any of the others in this ongoing and critically acclaimed series.

At some point, we all have to make peace with the idea that we are, in fact, not sane. With that in mind, allow me to share with you, my hypothetical reader, another bit of crazy that has been rolling around the pachinko-machine that is my psyche: I rehearse conversations. Entire conversations. From beginning to end and with every derivation I can imagine, if it’s a subject that is moderately important to me, then I will work it out in my mind ahead of time. Alright, maybe its not so strange as all that, but, my lovely wife seems to think it is so there you have it. Its in this vein that I decided to write the following series of articles: at some point, my boys are a-gonna start asking strange questions the answers to which, if I am unprepared, will, at best, provide them with less-than-optimal advice and at worst, confuse them to the point where the advice isn’t understood or heeded.

-Chris’ nightmare example: “Sooo, when Poppy was telling us about underground boxing clubs was he trying to tell us to avoid being ‘space-monkeys’ or was he telling us not to pick fights with strangers just to let them win? Bah, who cares? Lets go smoke crack and get some cheerleaders pregnant!”

As you can see, I have a lot of work ahead of me as the stakes are simply too high to leave those conversations to chance. I should also point out that in my nightmare example-universe, my children both speak with english accents. */shrug*

Shaving-

a... The first thing to think about here is the razor. A good, sharp razor is a godsend.

Razor Rule #1: Never borrow another guy’s razor without asking. Always ask first and even then it’s still a little weird. “Why?” you ask? Well, sons, a man’s razor is a personal thing and you’ll understand that a bit better after you’ve scraped a few layers of dermis from your face with a cold, dull, rusty razor that you thought was as sharp as The Lightbringer himself. The only ways this could have happened is if you either forgot to change the razor yourself after the last time you cut your face off (dumbass) or someone else used it. And btw, if they didn’t tell you they were going to use it, there’s no telling where they used it.

-its at this point we need to pause for a moment and discuss, father to sons, “The Female Exception Rule”. You see, it works like this: Women, for the most part, are exempt from many of the rules which men hold dear. For example, lets take Razor Rule #1, shall we? Women never have to ask permission to use a man’s razor and a man must never, NEVER reveal that he doesn’t want her to use his razor. The reasons are thus:

1… If a woman is in a position to use your razor she must logically be comfortable enough with you to use said toiletries. This says a lot. Don’t screw it up by whining about your stupid razor.

2… If you are friendly with a woman and she goes about using ANYTHING in the house to make herself feel better or be prettier in any way then this can only benefit you. Take my word for it son, you definitely want her to use your razor rather than not shave at all. Remember son, bleaching doesn’t make a mustache go away.

Razor Rule #2: Hot, sharp razor equals good. Cold, dull, hateful razor equals bloody mess in the sink. And while we are here let’s talk about what to do when you inevitably shave some of you chin off. First things first: finish shaving. Someone is paying for the hot water, shaving cream and razors and if it’s me, you damn well better not waste it. If it is you, being wasteful would make you a dumbass. Suck it up and finish shaving. Secondly, if you do cut yourself, do not use little pieces of tissue to stop the bleeding. The only reason guys started doing this in the first place was because there was a cologne commercial at some point which showed a manly-man nicking himself and, rather than get a little blood on his shirt which he stupidly did not remove before starting to shave, (dumbass) he decided to put little pieces of TP on his face just so he could have his commercial-universe daughter pick them off before kissing him. Son, if you finish shaving and finish brushing your teeth and putting on your clothes and you are still concerned about the amount of blood coming out of your face, you may have bigger problems. Hemophilia and leukemia. Google them.

b... Moving the razor.

The only rule here is to be sure and move the razor up and down only, NEVER side to side or laterally across your face and never, EVER against the direction your facial hairs are growing. As a matter of fact, if anyone ever tells you to do any of those three prohibited things, you go ahead and punch them in the eye as this person is not your friend. In fact, he’s probably the same asshat that used your razor without asking in the first place.
He owes you blood.

Well boys, that’s pretty much it as far as shaving goes… stick to these simple guidelines and you’ll be just fine.

And always remember that your Poppy loves you.

My Kind Of Pie-Chart

2006-11-02T08:37:00.000-08:00

...when I ran across this I just had to re-post it=) t'would probably make a decent t-shirt, lol

btw, how unnerving would it be to have Pac-Man look at you and grin salaciously? ug

Music Memes

2006-10-31T22:09:00.000-08:00

Tell me a song that reminds you of the following tastes (one song for each taste):

Sweet
Frente’s cover of “Let The Sunshine In” from The Flintstones. It must be the lead singer’s exaggerated little-girl lisp.

Sour
“Santa Monica” by Everclear.

Salty
“I’m Alright” by Jo Dee Messina. Lately for me ‘salty’ has come to mean an exciting, unusual good time and I cannot help but smile and sing along when I hear this one.

Bitter
“The Blower’s Daughter” by Damien Rice. Soulful and pathetically sad, it tells a story of unrequited love… I think we’ve all been in that place.

Bland
“Don’t Cha” by some corporate band. When I’m in the mood for slutty, anonymous porn from a generic source I can’t help but think of these women. And Ann Coulter.

Spicy
“Oops! Oh My” by Tweet. The unadulterated version of this song is simplistic, provocative and very sexy.

Many Me's

2006-10-26T18:30:00.000-07:00

CHRIS TAYLOR

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
1,031
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

...but theres only ONE thats fast like a wet ninja=)

Newest T-Shirt Design I Wish I Had

2006-10-05T16:21:00.000-07:00

Are We Ready To Start The Bloodless Revolution?

2006-10-05T15:34:00.000-07:00

I swear all I want to do is protect myself from Alzheimer’s.

Truly.

Well, good news for all of you who smoke pot... apparently, along with being able to help relieve the debilitating side-effects of chemo therapy, HIV drug cocktails and glaucoma, THC is now thought to help fight off Alzheimer’s disease. Add to that the fact that it’s non-addictive (certainly no more addictive than nicotine), use of which is generally non-violent and that something like 30% of Americans have smoked or regularly DO smoke M-J. BTW, that percentage seems to get quite a bit higher when the people sampled are in the 20-40 year old range. It positively skyrockets when the question is changed to the less self-incriminating, “Would you smoke marijuana if it were perfectly legal to do so?”

"The overall physical effect of THC is far safer than what happens to my liver every weekend."

Would I? You bet. To me, this isn’t one of those moral dilemmas where if you commit a crime, it will adversely effect someone else like mugging someone to feed your family. No, this is the very definition of a victimless crime, or, at least, it would be if there were not already criminal enterprises built up around circumventing the law. Nope, smoking M-J is a crime because someone has declared it so. There are lots of asshat reasons for it but what it all really comes down to is specific injury or the reasonable danger thereof and when taken in that light, the arguments simply don’t hold water. Physicians and studies the world over have declared alcohol and tobacco more dangerous by a wide margin. The overall physical effect of THC is far safer than what happens to my liver every weekend. In fact, from my layman’s point of view, the biggest health hazard associated with smoking pot is getting arrested and having to share a bunk with a 480-pound guy named ‘Shirley the health inspector’.

Anyways, that’s why I don’t smoke pot. But now I’m really wishing that I could without the chance of arrest or failing a physical. Anyone with even a semi-close relationship with an elderly person is gonna be wishing the same thing before long. Alzheimer’s is simply a fact of life with these people, whether the person is afflicted or not. It only takes one instance of obvious memory loss to get the wheels turning in that direction… and once they start, they DO NOT stop.

Oh, and as far as the ‘getting high’ aspect of the whole thing? Pffft, that’s why I have, like, four bottles of flavored vodka running around this place.

Breathing Out So You Can Breath Me In

2006-10-04T21:10:00.000-07:00

Occasionally it’s necessary to let out bits of crazy in order to keep from blowing up, much like knocking the press off the boiler (“She creeps…”) keeps the scary old hotel from blowing sky-high.

...today I thought I found one of my old guitar picks but it turned out to be just an old, used band-aid that had been folded up and left to harden...

...after periodically lamenting the fact that I am the primary IT nerd in my ‘lil group of friends, my friends eventually stopped asking for my help… then, last night, my friend asked if I would help him with a minor IT problem this morning to which I readily agreed, being secretly happy to be able to help in my special way. I arrived at his place this morning and found that I had missed him in the shuffle and he was already over at my place… and he had already taken care of his problem himself…

…a while back I offered to tune my friend’s guitar for him using an electronic tuner my good chum Drew had given me. While in the midst of tuning, not one but two strings broke including the high E. Thankfully, it missed blinding me when it streaked upward and outward at the speed of light however it did manage to give me a minor cut on my right hand, drawing a bit of blood. I am now, irrationally, afraid of my friend’s guitar because whenever I look at it now, I get the distinct feeling that having tasted my blood once, it will not be satisfied until it’s able to taste it again…

…having recently lost a bit of weight (and subsequent inches from my waist) I was surprised and dismayed this morning when I saw that it was raining outside and I found I no longer had any jeans that fit…

…during the entire time I was smoking (during my most recent stint as an addict, that is) I was never once sick with a cough or a throat ailment. Now, after having been quit of cigarettes for just over three weeks, I am starting to develop a froggy throat… bleh…

…I am secretly terrified that Bob Woodward may be full of shit…

…whenever I’m in a parking lot and happen to drop my keys on the ground, I’ll always look around before picking them up… this is not a self-preservation habit nor is it one born of vanity, i.e. making sure no one is looking at my bottom in case my pants split open, but rather one of irrational paranoia… you see, whenever this exact situation occurs and I bend over to pick up my keys, I’m absolutely certain a flaming arrow flies through the air directly through the space where my head would be, if I were still standing erect…

…whenever I see a banana peel lying discarded on the ground, I always have to fight back a desire to intentionally slip on it, just to see if a silly noise or a laugh-track will begin playing out of nowhere…

I think that’s enough for a while.

/smile

Two Dollars?

2006-10-04T09:18:00.000-07:00

Which John Cusack Are You?

...eh, it's better than I expected... I thought it was gonna tell me I was Jeremy Piven=)

The Things We Choose To Care About

2006-10-02T22:59:00.000-07:00

This morning I had decided to get up on here and give substance to my thoughts on the subject of respect, or, “respek” as my good chum Ali G would put it. (silly Ali G, everyone knows that ‘respek’ is something you do when you ding lvl 40, in order to not get pwned in RvR, lol) I was going to try to segue from there into a self-important rant about how sometimes it is painfully clear how little respect we have for some of the people in our lives and how I, as a gentleman, am literally above all that and how when I do f-up its only because I’m human and therefore its okay. Blah blah blah. (just as an aside here, when I come across as an arrogant ass, please just lemme know… don’t get me wrong: I’ll prolly still rationalize my behavior but it may give us both something to think about)

I would then promenade to the political left and into a faux-intellectual screed about injustice and an art teacher in Texas who was fired because she, my hand to God, exposed her students to art. Absurd, you say? Pah, click the link, you know you want to.

After that I would then doe-see-doe back to the centrist view and poke a little fun at a Florida politico who, in his own turn, had expressed a desire to do a lil’ poking of his own with an under-aged volunteer.

But these things suck and talking about them makes me weary.

Worry not, my hypothetical chum, as you have stayed with me this far into my ramble, you are to be rewarded=) In my searching for song covers I have found some beauties. Its wonderful and refreshing how a piece of music can lift you outta your narcissistic self-indulgence while simultaneously lifting your spirits. Sometimes it’s like a slap in the face, but a gentle one and with a friend’s hand.

I ran across this piece last week and everyday since it has been growing on me more and more. (no melanoma jokes, please.) It’s a cover of Steve Winwood’s “Back in the Highlife Again” by Warren Zevon. Now, my only exposure to this person’s original music was “The Werewolves of London” but to be honest I never bothered to find out who sang it. Additionally, I never really cared for Steve Winwood’s music with this song almost being an exception . You see, I always liked it, but at the same time, I didn’t, if you can dig it. To my ear, it was a great message but Winwood’s delivery was all wrong; too pop-ish, too commercialized. I remember wondering then, “When was this guy ever IN the highlife before so he could come BACK again?" I couldn’t put my finger on it back then but in retrospect I’d say the sentiment just didn’t feel genuine.

"...the sentiment just didn’t feel genuine..."

Now, flash forward with me to the now and my discovery of this 2000 cover. Simple, austere and heartfelt, this is precisely how this song should have been performed in the first place. After hearing this song I went looking for more of his music and found that he had died shortly after releasing it. Obviously, I only add this for effect, as it would seem to reinforce the suggestion of genuine sentiment.

In any case, give it a shot… you never know, it may be enough to brighten your day.

My Hypocritical Masochistic Side

2006-09-28T21:42:00.000-07:00

What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?

You were destined to have a Red Lightsaber.Red is the color of fire and blood, so it is associated with energy, war, danger, strength, power, and determination as well as passion and desire. You have seen the Strength and Power of the Dark Side of the Force and have you thirst for more of it. Also, evil will always win over good because good is stupid.
Take this quiz!

...apparently I'm a minion of the dark side. That sorta figures because everything is proceeding as I have forseen.

Genesis in DOS (an excerpt)

2006-09-28T08:59:00.000-07:00

And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 3.

C:>LET THE WATERS UNDER HEAVEN BE GATHERED TOGETHER UNTO ONE PLACE AND LET THE DRY LAND APPEAR

Too many characters in specification string. Try again.

C:>CREATE DRY_LAND

Done.

C:>RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH

C:>LET THE EARTH PRODUCE FRESH GROWTH, LET THERE BE ON THE EARTH PLANTS

Too many characters in specification string. Try again.

C:>CREATE PLANTS

Done.

C:>RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH

So it was; the Earth yielded fresh growth, plants bearing seed. And God saw that there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 3.

The rest of this joke is a bit long but very funny... especially great for us old DOS fans=)

Tequila!

2006-09-27T18:31:00.000-07:00

I was so tickled by my friend Shel’s post about tequila last week that I was inspired to organize a tequila-shot night at our friend’s house last Friday! (I say ‘organized’ but really all it really came down to was my saying, “Honey, could you pick up a bottle of tequila tonite?” My mad organizational skillz there, lol)

I had a lot of fun and am willing to place the evening in the ‘win’ category for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was the fact that no one vomited. Score!

The last time I had attempted anything like this I was literally a teenager still and the results were spectacularly colorful, so much so that the people who lived there (which strangely didn’t include anyone who was drinking that night) had to move soon thereafter. Again, I’m very sorry Carrie and Jack. Ick.

I think because we paced our shots and had fun with it rather than charging through the whole bottle that the experience was so nice. (The licking of the salt got to be especially interesting.)
Anyways, I had a great time and though I am sure it will not become a regular event I can see tryin again sometime… when the stars align again perhaps=)

And so it is...

2006-09-27T18:05:00.000-07:00

Its that time of year again in the Taylor household. Birthdays all clustered up, expensive holidays on the way and the grand-daddy most expensive holiday of all looming, X-mas. So Monday before school I went about dropping my resume off at various places in random and unrequited fashion. Bleh.

All that time in the car inspired me to create a new mp3 compilation disk, but what was gonna be the theme? (These things don’t always need a theme, but, when the concept enters the equation, the compiler will deny it at his peril.) I then remembered I had been meaning to make an entire 700MB mp3 disk out of nothing but covers. Difficult you say? Well, yeah, in the sense that it’s difficult to find good covers.

"it's difficult to find good covers..."

I mean, if they were any good, we would have heard about them by now, ja? Naw, besides the many that I had in my own ill-gotten collection, the vast majority of covers floating around are tinny-sounding live pieces or they are from the ska/punk world, which, while viable for this compilation are to my mind in a category unto themselves.

Being an acoustic guitar fan, the little ditty at the bottom here quickly became the vanguard for me, so much so that I decided to refine the various OCD-required categories that all music can be filed into. I call this the “Covering Artist Changes The Tone (And Thereby The Genre) Of A Ho-Hum Song And The World Is Enriched Because Of It” category. I’m, uh… having trouble thinking of another example though I was fairly sure there are others=) This is where you (hypothetical reader) can help me (soaking-wet ninja) by telling me your favorite covers. Just drop me an e-mail at the asshat addy or my home addy or leave em in the comments. Thanks for the help=)

Fun w/ Tiles

2006-09-20T23:56:00.000-07:00

I couldn't help myself when I saw this=)

Motivations

2006-09-20T19:33:00.000-07:00

It’s been mentioned to me that my weight loss motivations and goals have never been clearly or fully expressed here. Allow me to now correct this glaring oversight.
There are three main reasons or rather three categories from which reasoning can be gleaned. It should also be noted straight away and with no ambiguity whatsoever that neither healthfulness nor health in general had anything to do with wanting to lose weight.

1. Fighting robot-ninja-jedis ala cheesy HK action flicks filmed in my backyard.
This one has been mentioned a couple times in the course of this blog and remains firmly entrenched in my noggin and I need to be in shape in order to have my shirt ripped off me by an evil robot-ninja-jedi.

"my shirt ripped off me by an evil robot-ninja-jedi..."

A constant source of motivation, ideas for the filming of this are constantly being refined pretty much every time I see an action flick or an action flick parody. It’ll be awesome, and all are welcome to participate. Seriously, we got a decent camera so that part is covered. (Although its kinda MIA doin’ a different kind of filming *wink-wink*). We won’t need serious sound quality because we’re a-gonna dub it all in awful karate-movie fashion and we won’t need a serious costume budget, because, hey, all of its gonna get tore up anyways=) Truly, a film experience for the ages.

2. Be able to put my fricken wedding ring on without having to use the Jaws of Life and a quart of vasoline.
This one is covered in my immediately previous post and it’s also fairly self-explanatory. I miss my wedding band. It is another constant source of motivation whenever I see my darling wife wearing hers or I happen to notice my friends’ rings.

3. I want to look good naked.
“Are you like me? Do you have low self-esteem when it comes to your physical appearance? If you answered ‘yes’ then this program is for you. Call now and you too can learn how true inner beauty can be found blah, blah, blah.”
I think that’s just great. Inner beauty is a wonderful thing and it IS an important piece of the ‘happiness’ puzzle. Why, just this morning I clearly saw my friend’s caring, giving nature- her obvious discomfiture at other people’s discomfort and in that moment she struck me as truly beautiful.
But let’s be honest here. It’s not ‘inner beauty’ at all that initially catches our eyes from across the crowded room. Its not Angelina’s or Nicole’s or even Jennifer’s inner beauty that made you watch both Tomb Raider AND Tomb Raider 2, or every single crappy Tom Cruise flick, hoping to catch a glimpse of his savagely attractive (ex-)wife. It wasn’t inner beauty, at all, that made you TiVo that episode of Friends where Rachael takes off her bra on-screen, wearing only a thin, tight shirt afterwards. (BTW, TiVo called… yeah, you owe them for a new remote… you animal)

Ever since I decided for myself that a bit of vanity was a-okay, I have also had time to make myself comfortable with some of the reasoning. I wanna look good naked, dammit. My own, personal, inner beauty could very well be chalk-full of holes, like I’m some kind of narcissistic Scrooge-Grinch-Ann Coutler caricature but the people who are close to me accept me and love me for who I am and I return them the favor. That being said, it matters to me not at all if someone outside my circle of friends thinks I am a shallow dick. In honesty, I am likely both of those things (and more) often enough for the words to stick.

"I don’t go out of my way to be prickish..."

Please don’t misunderstand me; I don’t go out of my way to be prickish but I am human. I am that guy that laughed uproariously at you when you went to leave the bathroom and your drunken partner screamed, “Wash your hands you filthy bastard!” I am that guy with a strong appreciation for the female form and if my gaze should linger on you I honestly meant no offense. I am sure you are a lovely person, inner beauty and all that. I’m sure Angelina, Nicole and Jennifer are all lovely people, however, I don’t know them… and I don’t know you. What I do know is only what I see and some of the things I see are pleasant to behold. The chances of my covering my eyes and then developing an association with someone long enough to recognize their inner beauty without having been exposed to their physical appearance are slim.

For most of us, this is the very definition of first impressions. Something about you must capture a part of me and make me want to get to know you beyond a physical association. Often what we have to rely on is what we see and I want my advertisement, my initial presentation, to look good. Is that superficial? Sure, but only if its taken at face value=)

Milestone

2006-09-20T14:43:00.000-07:00

An awesome thing happened to me this morning… “Something wonderful” as my good chum Dave Bowman would have put it. One of the reasons I have for wanting to lose weight was the fact that I could no longer put on my wedding band… in fact, it has been more than two-and-a-half years since I was able to, not since my last shot at quitting smoking. This morning I was able to, without the help of any kind of lubricant, put the dern thing on again. I cannot describe the feeling of elation I got from seeing that gold band on my finger again, feeling its weight and remembering the way it would rub against the two surrounding fingers. I used to play with my ring occasionally, as many of us do. I would cross my palm with my thumb and use it to manipulate the ring or to simply spin it, absentmindedly, in the dent or valley created by its constant presence. It was a familiar feeling, comforting and pleasant even after years of disunion.
Sadly, it was short-lived. You see, the white indention that most people have from the various rings they wear was gone making the ring still a bit uncomfortable for me. But, not to worry, it was positive sign that I was able to slip it on at all, let alone without dish soap or hand lotion greasing the way. It so encouraged me that, after only a little bit of waffling, I jumped into the fricken’ cold pool to do the aerobic portion of my workout. Soon I will be able to put the ring on for good and I swear that little bastid is a-gonna stay on there this time.
Soon, my precious, soooooon....

More Useless Trivia About Me

2006-09-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Ayuh.

2. Do you close you eyes on roller coasters?
No.

3. When was the last time you went sledding?
10 years ago in GE.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
Always with someone else.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
Ayuh… its sort of a requirement for Catholics. (the HOLY ghost and Lev. 19:31 as just a couple examples)

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
No. Sadly, I am slowly coming to the realization that I am in no way creative. The best I can hope for is to be able to faithfully copy other people’s creations=/

7. O.J. Simpson. Guilty?
Oh, yes… Ain’t America grand.

8. Jennifer or Angelina?
If I cut off one of my pinkies, can I have them both? Obviously not for keepsies… No? Well, Angelina then, but it’s a close one.

9. Can you honestly say you really know anything about politics?
Yeah, but in my own defense I only pay attention long enough to infuriate myself, then I tune out again.

10. Do you know how to play poker?
I do.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Yes… its probably gonna happen again soon if Square/ENIX can get off its ass.

12. What’s your favorite commercial?
It’s a toss up between a British copy-paper commercial (Transformers FTW!)and a ‘Got Milk' commercial where a family watches as an elderly man gets his arms tore off next door. Just take a look at em and it’ll be easy to see why I can’t make up my mind=)

14. If you are driving in the middle of the night, and there is no one around, do you drive through a red light?
Naw, my OCD compels me to obey all traffic laws… it has gotten to the point that if I speed (even slightly) or turn without signaling, I feel like an outlaw.

15. Do you have a secret that no one else knows?
9… 10… 11… 12…14… 15…

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
1939 NY Knights.

17. Have you ever been ice-skating?
Nope.

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
2-3 times a week, generally speaking. (yay, Wellbutrin)

19. What’s the single most important thing on your mind right now?
Nicotine.

20. Do you always wear your seatbelt?
Lol, see question #14.

21. What talent do you wish you had?
I’d dearly love to be able to play a stand-alone instrument (ANY stand-alone instrument) well.

22. Do you like sushi?
Some.

23. What do you wear to bed?
Mostly just my undies. Sometimes less.

24. Do you truly hate anyone?
Naw. I used to think I did, but as my understanding of the word (and concept) became clearer I realized that what I was feeling was not hate. Malevolence, antipathy, resentment, enmity, belligerence… yeah, all of those words are printed on the stationary on which I keep a list.

25. If you could meet one famous person, who would it be?
Hmmm… it depends on what is, er, allowed to happen at this meeting… There are individuals I would like to talk to, take to my bed or just stare at them, basking in their brilliance. There are also those I’d like to beat senseless with a stack of re-released-THX certified-now on DVD-now with new special FX-now with NO special FX-letterboxed-collector’s edition crap that a drunken, syphilitic, two-headed slack-jawed junkslut with Tourett’s could have vomited up. Especially that one. Yeah.

26. Do you know anyone in jail?
Right now? Nope.

27. What food do you find disgusting?
Hmmm… right now Altoids are pissing me off a bit but as for disgusting? I don’t think any that I have run across yet. There are some foodstuffs that I won’t touch, but that’s just because I am a snob. For example, I won’t put ketchup on my mom’s eggrolls and I think the people who would are barbarians.

28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their backs?
I generally do not but when it does happen, I always try to do it in a way that I would be comfortable saying to them, as well as about them. If I can’t do at least that, then I won’t do it at all.

29. Have you ever been punched in the face?
Ayuh. See above.

30. Do you believe in angels and demons?
Absolutely.

Suckiness Abounds

2006-09-14T20:39:00.000-07:00

Everything. Seriously. Everything, everyone, everywhere, everywhen… all of it sucks. Those little mints that come in a roll? You know, ‘the freshmakers’? Yeah, Mentos… they suck. Photo-realistic bahamuts? They suck. It all sucks.
People tell me it’s a temporary thing, that the suckiness will fade and I will emerge a new man into a tobacco-free existence. Balls. That’s right, I said, “Balls.”
It’s a common lament, the whole “If I had known how hard it is to quit, I would never have started in the first place.” I’ll go you one better: If I had remembered how hard it was to quit, I wouldn’t have quit. Sure, I would still be all stinky and addicted, but I was relatively happy with it. Well, maybe not happy per se but I wasn’t particularly unhappy. And I had stuff that I could do… Bored? Have a smoke. Hungry? Have a smoke. After sex? After meals? After working out? After a TV show? Awkward pauses in conversation? Just finished killing a bear with your teeth and a penknife that you keep in your colon for just this sort of emergency and you feel entitled to a little reward? In a box with a fox, in a house with a mouse, you could have lit up here or there… you could have smoked up anywhere. Now there’s this vacuum-void-hole-emptiness-lack going on. Its simply a matter of finding another habit to fill the vacancy, preferably one thats a bit healthier, ja? So far, I’ve only found one thing that’s easy-convenient-healthy and that is brushing my teeth. Now I brush my teeth 10 – 15 times a day.
Alright, maybe this is all a combination self-pity, restlessness and detox irritability. Maybe there really is an addiction-free (and stink-free) light at the end of the tunnel. In any case, just composing this has made me feel a bit better, at least until I finish dealing with this grizzly bear.

Candy is Delicious

2006-09-11T19:41:00.000-07:00

I'm working my 'happy thoughts' thing but it's not really going so well. You see, I had a 50/50 weekend. Yeah, I know, ‘new leagues of fellowship’, fun and discovery, yadda-yadda-yadda. We had all of that stuff this weekend, plus we celebrated my wife’s birthday on Sunday and I came to an important decision early Monday morning. There were just a few aspects of this weekend’s interactions that left me feeling, well, unvalued and credulous. Don’t get me wrong; this won’t have a substantial effect on the associations I’ve come to prize as I try really hard to not be the guy who’s behavior and opinions are influenced by the behaviors of the peeps around him. It’s also safe to say that my feelings on this matter are probably being… er, aggravated by what I’m doing today.

In any case, wish me luck=) You can send happy energy my way by occasionally telling strangers and friends alike, “The urge to smoke will pass whether you smoke or not.”

Something Neat

2006-09-06T00:52:00.000-07:00

Something interesting happened to me today… not ‘interesting’ like, “Wow! Aliens landed in my back yard!” but rather ‘interesting’ like, “Huh… that’s kinda neat.” Lemme start like this: a few years ago I watched a little-heard-of movie called Nightwatch with Ewan McGregor. This little gem was the first film I had seen him in since Trainspotting and was curious to see how he would do in a thriller. Well, I was pleasantly surprised with both him and the movie in general.
With me so far? Gut.
This morning I was watching the few good parts of RotS and seeing someone lose a hand (or two) in an Ewan McGregor flick got me thinking about Nightwatch. (the reasons for this are obvious to anyone who has ever seen it) This led to me thinking about another fairly obscure flick also called Night Watch. It’s another little-heard-of flick released a few years ago in Russia. When I later IMDB’d it, I was delighted to see that it had been released in the US on DVD. With an English language track no less! So, off I went to the video store.

While I was browsing for more flicks to fill out my ‘5 for 5’ combo I ran across Stay, yet another little-heard-of Ewan McGregor flick. That’s it. That was the interesting thing. There were more cyclical coincidences involved but they get rather (more) esoteric from here on out plus, I’m afraid they would only make sense with my own ‘A to B to C’ fuzzy rationale behind them.
Btw, if you find yourself with a couple hours to spare, you should give Stay a shot. It’s a decent retelling of a fairly tired theme, but, it’s the camerawork, cinematography, transitions and attention to detail that really shine here. Don’t expect The Maltese Falcon or an M. Knight Sham-alama-ding-dong masturbatory piece and chances are, you will not be disappointed.

Oh, and if you have seen it and you were wondering (like me) why Ewan’s character is always seen in high-water pants, highlight the rest of this post to find out why. Just a warning tho: it’ll probably be enuf info to constitute a spoiler=)

The reason is this: It’s because when Henry first sees him, Sam is crouching down next to him, and his pants ride up when he does this.

Labor Day

2006-09-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

Happy Labor Day everyone. Today I’m feeling pleasantly sore from my varied exertions over the weekend so I think I’m a-gonna take it easy for a bit. I’m supposed to be cleaning our living room but here I am instead, bloggin’ and getting ready to do some video gaming/swimming/working out/ and relaxin’. If I find time in my busy schedule I may even do a bit of slacking.
I sincerely hope everyone has had as pleasant a holiday weekend as I have =)

Sex & The Male Mind

2006-08-29T13:37:00.000-07:00

Well, today marked a milestone for me in my war against my waist. This morning I went ahead and bought smaller underwear for the first time since, er, ever. After visiting with Dr. John yesterday and hearing that my BP and my weight both dropped nicely (222 lbs!!!! 27 lbs I’ve dropped so far!) I felt that mini-congrats were in order so I celebrated by getting new underwear. Yay.

Today is also the first day I’ve felt my new tattoos were healed enough for comfortably resuming my workout schedule. Working out, for me, is becoming something akin to having sex. While I’m sure this isn’t in any way a new concept, the similarities only recently became apparent to me. You got your nearly naked sweating bodies grunting and exerting, first only minimally but building gradually to a strenuous ending. You got your little victories at the end of a particularly satisfying encounter. You also get that great endorphin-induced euphoria at the end and, if you are with someone you care about, you get to share in their little victories as well. While you can certainly go it alone (or, as my junior-high buddies called it, “rollin’ solo”) it’s just not the same as when you have a partner. =)
Also, I find that if I am interrupted or disturbed in any way, I get that sense of longing and restlessness that can only be cured by working out in another way (see above), getting into a fight or by hitting myself in the head with a hammer until the feeling passes. A cold shower will also work in a pinch.

Oh, and last Saturday the missus and I went to see "Snakes on a Plane", and it was great! It was everything I expected it to be and a bit more, which is always nice. Anyways, iffn’ you are looking for some good, mindless summer fun, SoaP has it all. Ridiculously implausible plot? Check. Sam Jackson yelling the f-word? Check. Snakes going apeshit on a plane? Check. Boobies? Check. (2 big fake ‘checks’ there)

Grrr… Argh…

2006-08-25T14:28:00.000-07:00

There’s no doubt about it, the zombie genre rocks. I love that the entertainment industry has rediscovered what you and I already knew: that zombies and those that fight against their ravenous, decomposing asses are cooooool. Movies, comics, video games, board games, cartoons and even music have all been infected. Right now, I’m waiting for a low-rent 3D remake of Night of the Living Dead, even if it falls squarely into the ‘crappy movie’ category… at least according to The Formula that is.
In any case, instances of the living dead seem to be on the rise… and for my money, that’s just fine=) I recently, er, aquired a copy of The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks and the little bit I’ve read so far is awesome, like something the Ministry of Homeland Security would print up, lol! Oh sure, you scoff now, but when legions of the undead start roaming the streets of YOUR neighborhood, you guys will be like, “Uh, what was the name of that author again? C’mon Bittorrent!”

Btw, iffn’ you haven’t given Shaun of the Dead a chance yet, you should! It’s just a wonderfully witty indie bit from those great folks that brought us “Spaced”. Filled with humor, genre references and just the right amount of gore, this one is not to be missed.

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Tattoo Advice from RVB

2006-08-14T13:33:00.000-07:00

Thinking About Ink

2006-08-07T13:45:00.000-07:00

For anyone who was curious, these are the fanboy-inspired Captain Marvel designs I was thinking about=)
Like I said, maybe as a second tattoo… perhaps on my shoulder=)

Ink Concepts

2006-08-07T00:21:00.000-07:00

As the people who are close to me know, I’ve been looking for a tattoo design for a while now and have had no luck whatsoever with my search. All the tattoos out there on the net seemed too silly, too vulgar, too impersonal or too generic. Nothing leapt out at me and hollered, “Me! Me! You want ME on your back forever!” With d-day approaching and an agreement between Evan and myself looming over me, I finally decided that I needed help. The problem was, I didn’t have the first clue what I wanted. I knew I wanted something reflective of myself, a simple design without pretension that was symbolic of some of my core values. (It should be noted here that the author, in a nerdiness fervor, nearly convinced himself to scrap the whole ‘symbolic values’ motif and simply get the symbol of Captain Marvel tattooed on his back. THIS is precisely why you should NEVER decide on a tattoo whilst drinking… it still sounds very kewl to him tho, possibly for a second tattoo)
Salvation came the other day though when I roughed out a crude representation of what was floating in my head and gave it to my artist friend. He took the cave drawing home and promised to put some thought into a design and we would figure it out from there. Then last weekend while we were playing cards at my place, my artist friend starts sketching out a design right there. And it clicked. That was it! Well, the beginning of ‘it’ anyways. With that bit of inky magic set more firmly in my mind I was able to cobble together this rough photoshop design that is very close to what I want and with a little more work it may be perfect. As always, any comments or advice are welcome=)

More Than Meets The Eyes (pt. 3)

2006-07-17T15:37:00.000-07:00

Mr. Bay, if you f-up this movie I will harvest and eat your candy-filled soul.
...I mean it.

Porn-Star Haircut

2006-07-13T22:59:00.000-07:00

The other day my friend Evan and I were talking about getting into shape and vanity in general. It seems to me that any type of exercise outside of every day activities or for the maintenance of health and utility is simply narcissism. After a bit of discussion I decided that I’m comfortable with that. After all, we (for the most part) spend so much time telling each other and ourselves that we are defective in some way and that defect keeps us from being beautiful. Whether we obsess openly or in the closet there seems to be some aspect of ourselves that we wish we could change. But is the act of trying to change that aspect vanity, particularly when you are content/happy in every other aspect? Well, in my case, yeah it is. And I’m okay with it. I like that I tan to dark reddish-brown. My wife seems to enjoy it as well. I’m also thankful that providence dropped the 2 pieces of workout equipment that I would need to help improve my doughy physique right in my backyard. With a little help from our friends we may actually reach our goal of fighting ninja-jedi-robots this year. Now, that’s gotta be a good thing.

There is a downside however and I’m not talking about that stoopid strained elbow I got or even the chance of melanoma. Nope, this, like so many of the dumb-ass things I’ve been involved with, is entirely my fault. After it was decided that vanity was a-okay with me, I decided to do something about my tan-line. You see, there is now a stark difference between where I am tan and where I am not. Okay, the solution seemed simple enough: sunbathe with less than the accustomed pieces of swimwear. But before this could happen, something had to be done about the pasty-white area underneath. You see, on men, this area is rather ugly and often hairy. Well, there was nothing I could do about the ugly, so off I went to take care of the hairy. Nothing too radical, just what’s referred to as a porn-star haircut. All seemed to be going well until… well, let me just say that there are some places on the human body where mentholated shaving cream should NEVER be applied.
Sigh… well, we live and we learn, ja? Stoopid vanity.

Yay Boobs! Pt. 2

2006-07-11T21:20:00.000-07:00

Above is an artist’s rendition of my dear friend Sierra discovering herself. At least, this is what it looked like in MY mind. And, you know, if she were also a super-hero=)

Yay Boobs!

2006-07-07T09:18:00.000-07:00

At long last, my curvaceous friend Sierra has posted a body-shot on her blog. What makes this interesting to me (besides the brobdingnagian proportions of the body parts in question) is the fact that she seems genuinely astounded by their size, as though they had somehow snuck up on her=)
Rest assured, Sierrra, that this is a surprise to no one who has worked with you… as a matter of fact I remember many times as we talked in your office I would force myself to look at something else (ANYthing else) to keep from staring at you like the deranged pervert I am. This was not always easy, as your office is small and between you, me and your boobs it often felt crowded=)

Nerd-meme

2006-07-07T08:41:00.000-07:00

How sad that this upsets me=) NG Elf Ranger-Monk indeed.

I Am A: Neutral Good Elf Ranger

Alignment:
Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.

Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.

Secondary Class:
Monks are strange and generally not understood by the world at large. They live apart from people, and follow strict codes that restrain their behavior and lifestyle. They have an exceptionally calm outlook on life, and generally do not resort to violence unless absolutely necessary. Even when they do, their code of conduct forbids the use of all weapons - except their hands. As such, monks are extremely skilled at hand-to-hand combat, and no other style.

Deity:
Mielikki is the Neutral Good goddess of the forest and autumn. She is also known as the Lady of the Forest, and is the Patron of Rangers. Her followers are devoted to nature, and believe in the positive and outreaching elements of it. They use light armor, and a variety of weapons suitable for hunting, which they are quite skilled at. Mielikki's symbol is a unicorn head.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

Blog-wise

2006-07-07T08:38:00.000-07:00

I have a bit of time this morning so I thought I would catch up on all things bloggish while I had the chance-

Yesterday I temped for FedEx and while it wasn’t unpleasant, after the first couple of stops, it became apparent that nobody likes brown strangers in their yard. I know, I know, it was my first reaction… my knee jerked into skin-color mode when trying to figure out what was going on. It went down like this: FedEx gave me a bunch of crap to deliver around hick towns like Corning and Orland and they told me to do it in my own car as they would pay mileage along with a wage. The only symbol or proof of my relationship with the company was a pair of door magnets with the FedEx logo on them. That and the packages themselves, ya?

Knock-knock
Them: (eyeing me suspiciously) Who are you?
Me: (being brown) FedEx! Is this (insert address here) ?
Them: (reaching for the shotgun behind the door) That’s what it sez on the mailbox.
Me: (making no sudden movements) Fabulous, I have a package for such-n-such person, could you sign here?
Them: You one of them Al Qaedas?
Me: No.
-at this point the doorguard has to make a choice: Either remove his hand from the shotgun so he can unbar the door or he can shout, “Git ‘er done!” and open fire on the evil courier. Thankfully I rolled 20’s yesterday and so lived to tell the tale.

The most interesting thing invariably happened at the end of the transaction, after I had delivered the package and bid them a good day. I would then amble back to my car to fill out paperwork and decide where to go next (with thx to my sweet wife and her quick use of mapquest) all the while with the package’s recipient still watching me from behind the safety of their storm door. I ask you, what was the rationale behind their suspicions? That I was pretending to be a FedEx courier so I could drop off anthrax-laced packages? These people have GOT to stop watching Fox News.

Ready For My Closeup?

2006-05-18T19:27:00.000-07:00

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I love these 40+ question ‘tests’ that are somehow able to distill your personality down into a simple, contrived and yet kitschy ‘lil package=) I, apparently, am an aging silent movie star… my guess is this must be the result of singing Erasure songs at the top of my lungs=)

Mexican Apple Thief

2006-05-17T09:16:00.000-07:00

It must be summertime… the little hairs on my arms are bleaching white, the smell of cocoa butter lotion is in the air and I have my first sunburn of the season=) Indeed, my coloring is now to the point where my wife looks at me hungrily and calls me her Mexican apple thief. Hmmm... perhaps now would be a good time to head down to AZ and wander the border trying to find people for the ACLU to sue... Anyways, I had been harboring an irrational hope that God, in Her infinite wisdom, would somehow shrink my waist when I started putting on my summer skin. This is born from the (obviously media-induced) idea that He would not allow a bronzed-beach-boy-of-the-summer to exist with a doughy physique. Pacific Islanders and other specific ethnic groups notwithstanding when was the last time you saw a fat, tanned guy or gal on TV? The TV wouldn’t lie to us, now would it? Feh- another foolish, quasi-religious belief bites the dust.

Yesterday I achieved another small victory in the pool wars – through hard work, chemistry and the wonders of the internet we are now able to see to the bottom of the pool! Yay! Before now, the best we could get was a really nice shade of Martha Stewart blue and about 3 feet of visibility- now I can see clearly all the places I’ve been missing when I sweep! Yay progress. Muchas thank-yous to Shel for that great site on pool maintenance=)

(The Bronze Beach Boys by PasCal)

Come on let's go
Let's not talk about tomorrow
Today
You know who I am
And I love what you wear
Those gilded garments kill my sorrow!
So, come on let's go
(We'll) discuss it all tomorrow
But today…
We're gonna go out
Slap the day in the mouth
Like Bonnie Barker and Clyde Barrow!

Come on let's go, come on let's go, c'mon let’s go

We can be leaves pushed by the breeze
Towards the mountains or toward the sea
Or just out to eat
Please leave your notebooks at home
You can write all about it in the morning
Not today
We should go and catch air
Let the sun dye our hair
Like the bronze beached boys of the summer

Come on let's go, come on let's go, c'mon let’s go

We can be leaves pushed by the breeze
Towards the mountains or toward the sea
Or just out to eat

Come on let's go, come on let's go, c'mon let’s…
We can be like bees up in the trees
Fly over mountains and catch the breeze

Or we can sing strange romantic airs
Like those that flow through Aeolian harps
That caught Shelley's ear like…

Ba ba ba-ba ba ba, ba ba-ba-ba ba ba ba-ba ba ba

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The War Has Begun…

2006-05-12T17:53:00.000-07:00

Just imagine me saying that in my best Ian McKellen/Magneto voice. A while back I facetiously suggested that an American ‘muttaween’ would emerge to actively police immigration issues and other pro-national nonsense. Honestly, I was prognosticating with only half a heart simply to bring into stark relief something that was wholly alien to me. Well, my Cassandra-like ability to predict ass-hattery comes through for me again (no, never the lotto numbers… always just warnings for boots and rain slickers) with the Maricopa County’s 250-man posse. These intrepid folks began their ‘round-up’ last week with the intention of incarcerating any illegals they find rather than deporting them. When I first heard about this I asked myself, “Why?” I mean honestly, what’s the point?
-Is it that the illegals gobble up too many of our national resources? Dragging on our national healthcare (lol) and the like? If that’s it then isn’t it more expensive to warehouse them… where they would get among other things… free healthcare?
-Is it a national sovereignty issue? That sort of flies in the face of the whole “Bring Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Day-Laborers” thing, doesn’t it?
-Could it be a national security issue? If that’s the case, I’d say that not only has the horse left the barn, the whole frickin barn has taken off as well. As was recently proven, whenever security has been tightened to the point of, lets face it, inconvenience, desperate and ingenious people will find will find a way around it… or, in this case, under it. Lets all hope that Al Qaeda can’t use a shovel.

Aw, ferget it, I’m gonna fool with my pool=/

By-the-by, the first night the 250-man posse was out doin their sacred duty, guess how many devious illegals they caught… just 1. Now, THAT’S an American bargain=)

My Kind Of Meme

2006-05-10T15:27:00.000-07:00

Not dead either! Just sort of tumbling around, doin’ the family/j-college thing. Truth be told, I’ve been immersed in dice-rolls, graduations, the Sandman (awesome, just frickin awesome) and my pool for a while. Recently I came up and saw a neat meme on my friend Trav’s sight that I thought I’d share.

It goes like this: go to wiki and type in your b-day (minus the year). Find 1 death, 2 births and 4 interesting facts about that day… here’s mine=)

Death-
1973 - Pearl S. Buck, American writer, Nobel Prize laureate (b. 1892)

Births-
1968 - Moira Kelly, American actress
1619 - Cyrano de Bergerac, French soldier, poet (d. 1655)

Stuff-
2006 - South Dakota Governor Mike Rounds signs a bill into legislation that would ban most abortions in the state.
1992 - The Michelangelo computer virus begins to affect computers.
1981 - After 19 years presenting the CBS Evening News, Walter Cronkite signs off for the last time.
1857 - The Supreme Court of the United States rules in the Dred Scott v. Sandford case.

meme, anyone?

2006-04-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

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Your personality type is RLOAI

You are moderately reserved, moderately moody, moderately organized, moderately accommodating, and moderately intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.

The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Oklahoma City, Albuquerque/Santa Fe, Indianapolis, Reno, Greenville/Spartanburg, Cincinnati, Memphis, Chicago Area, Pittsburgh, Orlando, Louisville, Providence and these international countries/regions Czech Republic, Guam, Austria, Luxembourg, Philippines, Iceland, Indonesia, Portugal, Taiwan, Hungary, Israel, France, New Zealand, Slovenia, Canada

What Places In The World Match Your Personality?
City Reviews at CityCulture.org

Memes are the hors d’oeuvres of the blogging smorgasbord. Some are savory, some are crisp and light and some are just what you would think they are: filler. This little cutie caught my eye today. The results, for me anyways, are probably (sadly) accurate=/

Ah-well, at least it sez I’d be welcome in New Zealand=)

Getting Lost

2006-03-24T13:46:00.000-08:00

Every so often (once or sometimes even twice a month) ABC will air a new episode of the television show Lost. For reasons of varying neurosis I have started waiting until my TiVo has 2 new episodes on it before I sit down to watch them. This means it has been over a month since I’ve seen anything happening on the island and this is becoming less of a loss as time goes by. When I was first introduced to the show I was fortunate enough be able to rent the first season and watch them back-to-back. It was, by and large, very satisfying. The interesting coincidences, the tenuous connections, the mysteries and the character development were all very appealing, very compelling, particularly in the wake of 4 years worth of reality-TV crap. Now, because of the way it’s constantly interrupted for reruns or the uber-insulting recap show I’m starting to look at the series in a different light. The bloom is off the tropical orchid, so to speak. Normally I would simply be losing interest but I think because of my initial investment and high-hopes for an interesting, intelligently written fantasy drama I have instead started transferring my disdain onto the characters. Last night the wife and I watched our 2 episodes back to back and I found myself actively rooting for the bad guys to hurry up and finish them all off. Except for Hurley. Every time someone would make an inexplicably bad decision, every hackneyed characterization, every time there was a woman on-screen with perfect make-up, hair, fashionably low-rise pants and the physique of Kate Moss on a nose-candy diet I would hope and pray for a polar bear to bound out of the jungle and eat them.
Bah, perhaps it will all seem better if I avoid the rest of the season and wait for its release on DVD.

ps, sorry about the creepy Serpent and the Rainbow picture being up for so long=)

…to ashes

2006-03-01T16:31:00.000-08:00

It’s Ash Wednesday again and you (may or may not) know what that means: yup, today is the day when the charcoal bunny hops to the houses of all practicing Catholics and smears an ashy cross on their foreheads. This is an ancient custom in which we are exhorted to remember that we all come from ashes and to ashes we shall all return. The visual effect of this is something akin to the zombies in “The Serpent and the Rainbow”. To me it has always looked a little creepy. Today also marks the beginning of the Lenten Fast, or Lent where traditionally Catholics abstain from eating red meat until Easter weekend. While this obviously means different things to different folks (or nothing at all to some of you) to me, I tend to think of it as the last mass celebration of faith that hasn’t been commercialized to death. Yeah, I know, major chain restaurants are gonna start pushing their fish and poultry menus, but, other than that, you’re probably not going to hear much about it. That, by itself, was enough to catch my attention – particularly in a culture where political correctness dictates the how and why of mass-market holiday cheer and trendy, conglomerate churches close their doors to the faithful on Sunday because it was also Christmas morning… and no one wants to go to church on Christmas, right? feh

In any case, my personal religion (and interpretation thereof) is fairly fluid; not a strict set of doctrines and laws but rather a loose set of guidelines that I use in my personal relationship with God. It’s in this vein that I participate in Lent by giving up for 40 days something or things that I like. This year I have a veritable laundry list:
-1. I will give up smoking. (yikes)
-2. I will give up beer and malted beverages. (Wine and liquor are okay, its just beer that is not good at all for my doughy physique)
-3. Unhealthy snacking. I will be allowing myself a day of celebration every week where crap-foods are allowed. Remember, moderation in all things. Except smoking. That’s right out.
-4. I will give up fast food. Yup, this one is gonna kill me.
-5. Pornography and all the happy stuff that goes with it. I shan’t elaborate=)
-6. Lastly, I will be giving up a bit time each evening to sit with my boys, perhaps with my guitar, and quietly interact with them.

So there it is, my contribution to spiritual harmony during this holiday season.
LaChaim!

Geek Life

2006-02-23T09:16:00.000-08:00

Did you know that gray hairs apparently grow faster than regular hair? Wtf is that? I shaved my dome to bare skin a while back and yesterday I noticed, poking up above the skyline like an evil Space Needle, was a gray hair! It was literally twice as long as the rest and required immediate clipping so I rolled 20’s and was able to dispatch the fiend with haste and prejudice.

What else is new? Ah, new shoes! I’m the guy who only buys shoes once every 5 or 6 years, so while I had a little time before my psyche class/group therapy yesterday I ambled over to the shoe place, scored a natural crit, and nabbed a new pair of sneaks! Sweet.

Lets see, what else...? grr, this past weekend I hooked up the water line to my fridge so we can have filtered water and unusual ice cubes on demand. While it seems like this is the kind of thing a person could attempt unskilled (me being multi-classed as a father, hubby, ass-hat driver, IT toon, furniture repairman, student and erstwhile Paladin… you’ll notice ‘plumber’ is nowhere in this list) evidently the DC for this is much higher than I expected. Shoddy, unskilled workmanship produced a midnight encounter with a loose hose and 100 BILLION gallons of water. Fortunately, our party had plenty of towels and a bucket and the next day I rented a carpet cleaner to suck up the rest of the mess. *sigh*

Also new (for me) is a free internet service called Pandora. This is just plain awesome as it puts together up to 10 ‘radio’ stations for you based on a song or artist and plays music similar to the kind you’ve listed. For example, my ‘Dar Williams’ station gave me a song from Dar I was unfamiliar with, a song from Catie Curtis and one from Edie Brickel right off the bat, all similar in their tone. The same was true for my ‘Fountains Of Wayne’ and ‘Cowboy Junkies’ channels.
This is particularly useful for me as I generally don’t listen to music on the radio so my only exposure to new songs or artists are from my friends or from TV shows. Now, I just have to be sure not to fumble on my RIAA check =)

Thanks Guys=)

2006-02-21T19:45:00.000-08:00

I think you guys have nailed it for me. A fundamentalist base sets itself up in such a way that it has overwhelming control over both public opinion and policy. Combine that with the numbness Travis spoke of, out-and-out apathy and the approval of the silent majority and you wind up with an Orwellian cocktail designed to erode civil rights. Toss in some dogmatic ice-cubes and suddenly you have a group like the muttaween wandering the land, in broad daylight, and in full view of the government. This situation could be a symptom of an ass-hat fervor, which could potentially lead to the behavior that started me thinking about all this.

Now, because of the way I initially gun everything through my “everyman’s” frame of reference, after reading your comments I went about preparing a response. And then it hit me. The situation I just described exists today in our nation: The so-called “Minutemen” operating along the U.S.-Mexico border. These folks have taken it upon themselves to patrol the border and detain and/or eject whomever they believe are crossing illegally, sometimes violently. A decidedly ominous parallel.

It seems almost laughable to consider that, in the extreme, a group like this could evolve into a roving, patriotic police checking green cards on us ‘brownies’ and menacing anyone without a yellow ribbon magnet affixed to their car somewhere… until you look around and see the state we’re in now. Little old ladies accosting hippies where they live, a grieving mother’s shrine to all of the war fallen vandalized…
-I seem to have strayed off-topic here=/

In any case, you guys have helped me think through an awful subject and in doing so helped me to avoid facing up to my own prejudice and hypocrisy and for that I thank you=)

Addendum-

2006-02-20T09:42:00.000-08:00

Here’s a bit I came up with this morning whilst arguing with myself: Saying that Islam has a predilection for violence because of the muttaween is like saying Christianity is inherently violent because of the Ku Klux Klan… Does this mean that the ancient cycle of violence will eventually die down after a civil-rights renaissance? On the other hand, the muttaween is all but sanctioned by the various governments that are in essence, if not in fact, theocracies. Doesn’t this lend a bit more credibility to the muttaween? It seems to me that the most support the Klan ever got was a long, blind eye from a few ass-hat congressmen, a governor here and there and David Duke.

Perhaps I’m just letting my pessimism cloud my judgment here.

Thank you Trav, it's good to hear from you=)

2006-02-20T00:25:00.000-08:00

- back in this post i asked for input from anyone who cared to throw in and my good friend Travis answered my call readily. this here be my response to his comments:

Thank you for responding on this T, I really appreciate it and I can see how my post was unclear. I’d like to say that I did it intentionally to help spark debate on the subject but in honesty, it was just sloppy writing on my part. …However it does bring up a extraordinary point: In the past 25 years there have been no other groups implicitly tied to a single religion that have been responsible for so much hate and misery. And I’m not just talking about suicide bombers and death-threats to publishing houses. I’m talking about women who get stoned in the street if her husband accuses her of adultery. I’m talking about little girls getting beat to death by a roving religious police (called “muttaween” - sort of a murderous neighborhood watch) for not averting her eyes at the right time or allowing too much skin to be seen, even if she has just had the misfortune of being raped and her clothing is torn. And, if I can be allowed to more firmly snug the ass-hat onto my own head, if bloody, reactionary violence isn’t at least more acceptable to Islam, where is the public outcry against this behavior?

You are right though, I don’t think that the Protestant or the Catholic religions are directly responsible for the ass-hattery in Ireland nor do I honestly believe Buddhism was responsible for the ‘killing fields’ in Cambodia. I say to myself, “It must be the same with Islam.” But, what do you call it when the radical sub-groups are the only ones doin’ the talking? To me, it’s analogous to Christian fundamentalist groups blowing up abortion clinics all over the world, continuously, and the Christian Coalition issuing a press statement saying that ‘while they deplore the violence, its God’s work being done.’ Sadly, the only differences here are the scale of the acts and the fact that other Christian groups from all across the world spoke out against the violence. Where is the outcry from the Islamic world?

Also, in the case of the Crusades, if there were at that time a worldwide organization capable of stopping the violence, wouldn’t it be their responsibility to do so?

In any case, intellectually, I believe Islam to be a religion of peace and tolerance and a focus for spirituality.

I have decided.

2006-02-19T19:36:00.000-08:00

Sort of. Alright, let me start of by saying that I simply do not understand racial prejudice and intolerance. At all. Maybe it comes from an enlightened state of being brought on by growing up in a multi-cultural household. Or, maybe it comes from living (for the most part) in the 2nd most liberal leaning state in this great union. Perhaps it just comes from watching Star Trek my whole life, I mean, c’mon, when was the last time you saw an Aryan Nation booth at a trek-con? However I come to it, I seem to have a fairly broad tolerance for the differences between myself and people of other cultures and races.

Now. With that out of the way, let me say that I am very close to aligning myself with the far right and declaring that radical, Islamic, militant fanaticism needs to be stamped out. I mean, at what point do the arguments for tolerance, cultural diversity and freedom of religion become moot? At what point does the world, as a community, say that the violence happening in the house next-door needs to be stopped? When do we, as socially conscious citizens, decide that the protection of innocents supersedes the moral imperative of being tolerant of a group practicing their religion? I don’t know, but if we are not there yet then I think we are approaching that time quickly.

I am neither dim nor reactionary and I am familiar with many of the arguments but because of the unusual (for me) way I feel in this matter I can’t help but think that there is something fundamental I’m missing here. And so I am asking for your opinions on this. Please. Because moral dilemmas suck and I would appreciate your thoughts.

2006-02-15T23:13:00.000-08:00

(Written by Kevin Griffin and Tom Drummond)

Will you fight
For the cause?
Can you teach the savage mind
Their ways are wrong
Help them see
What they want and what they need?
And if we have to twist their arms
They know not what they do is wrong

And if you said I would go to heaven
Now, maybe I'll try
And if you said I would go to heaven
Now maybe I'll, maybe I'll, maybe I'll try

Heretics and hypocrites
Wear the same face throught the years
Of telling lies
And laying blame
Damn the fire then feed the flame
Don't dance, or sing, or try to think
Their image is planted in your head

And if you said I would go to heaven
Now, maybe I'll try
And if you said I would go to heaven
Now maybe I'll, maybe I'll, maybe I'll try

Ivy is just a dog
With a heart that's noble as
The greatest man
Who ever lived
Won't you please help her learn?
And if we have to twist her arm
She knows not what she does is wrong

And if you said I would go to heaven
Now, maybe I'll try
And if you said I would be a rich man
Now maybe I'll, maybe I'll, maybe I'll try

Maybe I'll try.
Maybe I'll try.

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Impartial? feh

2006-02-15T13:59:00.000-08:00

It was recently remarked that I use my ‘bad-movie formula’ (or bad movie formula) to keep from having to watch stuff I don’t wanna. Yeah, that’s me. There is a lot of perfectly good stuff out there that is simply not on my radar. Call it my post-Ring II defense mechanism but its difficult for me to get past what I know (or what I think I know) and try new things. And up to now, it’s worked out pretty well in as far as I can tell. The upshot is a circumstance in which everything involved sucks and it works for damn-near everything- Politics und politicos? They all suck. School und work? Sucks. Burning down KFC’s because of an insensitive cartoon? Stupid AND sucky. Smoking and/or quitting smoking? Top 2% of suckiness.
The best part of all this is I’m rarely surprised by the sick, sad world we live in. However, when I am surprised, in those extraordinary flashes when my Cassandra-like prognostication fails and I’m proven utterly wrong, it’s delightful. It rocks. Such was the case when I viewed Underworld: Evolution. Yeah, I know… a sequel begat from a sub-par movie born out of a genre more fractured, hackneyed and derivative then any other in the horror film pantheon. So I’ll come right out with the verdict: it didn’t suck. Here’s the breakdown:

Who was involved? Kate Beckinsale. She’s purty. Everyone else is b-list or lower… not that that’s a bad thing or anything, I just don’t care enough about them to piss on them right now. Except for director Len Wiseman, Kate’s lucky man. Len was also responsible for directing the first opus and it’s my opinion that he should seriously start thinking about another career. Don’t feel bad, Len, I don’t play tennis because I suck at it… find something you are good at or just stick to defiling Kate.
What company was involved? That would be Sony Screen Gems and a look at their credits between now and 1999 (when the company’s properties started being directly responsible for movies since 1974) is anything but stellar. I thought ‘Arlington Road’ was interesting but the rest is suck-tastic.
When was it released? January ’06, that’s right… the poop-chute for the vast majority of awful movies.
How long did it take to get made? No idea but the way cheesy Hollywood works we can safely assume that it was green-lighted immediately after the original’s release… in 2003.

The story, such as it was, wasn’t so much a sequel as it was simply a continuation of the original- like a 106-minute alternate ending or a reeeealy extended edition… like the ‘Matrix’ sequels; nuthin’ new, just more of the same stuff. Not super, but, if you liked the original and wanted it to be longer, this here’s for you. Now, why doesn’t it suck? Well, I liked the original as an action/horror genre movie. I mean the story and acting weren’t great and it screwed with some of the more familiar vampire conventions but I didn’t watch it expecting something smooth like ‘The Hunger” or even something mediocre and funny like “Fright Night”. Naw, it was what it was: blood, guns and fangs and so is it’s sequel. The best part tho was this: it was free! When you don’t have to pay for a crappy thing, it becomes less crappy! And that changes the equation. Yup, the internet is a vast and wondrous thing and it's nice to be wrong occasionally=)

TRUE Vice President Dick Cheney Blows His Load All Over Face of Another Man!

2006-02-13T10:22:00.000-08:00

(Cribbed almost entirely from CNN.com)

The campaign contributor accidentally shot and wounded by Vice President Dick Cheney during a weekend quail hunt is "doing well" and will be released early this week, a spokesman at Christus Spohn Hospital in Corpus Christi, Texas, said Monday.

Peter Banko told CNN that Harry Wittington, 78, took "quite a bit of spray" in the face, neck and upper torso but is recovering nicely after he was wounded Saturday afternoon on a vice presidential friend's south Texas ranch.

"He rested well last evening and is in stable condition in our trauma ICU," Banko said. "We'll know a little bit better later this morning, but he should be released within the next day or two. He's doing well."

Whittington, an Austin attorney who gave $1,000 to President Bush's 2000 campaign and $2,000 to his 2004 re-election bid, was among a handful of people accompanying the vice president when the accident occurred Saturday afternoon.

Cheney visited him Sunday afternoon at the hospital, "and was pleased to see he is doing fine and in good spirits," spokeswoman Lee Anne McBride said.

New Plaything

2006-02-11T10:24:00.000-08:00

Now, I know, I should be setting up encounters and honing my esotericism but I just couldn’t deny my blogger-envy anymore and just had to fool around with this Castpost thingie=)

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More Than Meets The Eyes

2006-02-11T09:48:00.000-08:00

I don't know if this is real or not, but, it's being billed as "test footage" on the pirate sites'... either way, it looks cool enuf for me to renew my promise to Michael Bay- fuck it up and you'll die horrifically=)

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miles of smiles

2006-02-10T11:25:00.000-08:00

this

plus this

plus this
plus this

...equals geeky fun on Saturday night=)

I Don't Get It

2006-02-09T21:48:00.000-08:00

Really. Honestly, I don’t get it.

Chalk it up to my ethnocentricity but I just don’t get what all of the hubbub is about. Okay, the cartoon is offensive, there’s no doubt about it, but, people are rioting about it. Heh? It’s a political cartoon. Its purpose is to annoy somebody somewhere, right? Now newspapers and television news reports won’t even show it, not even so we can decide for ourselves if its offensive or merely inane. Ug.

And there is talk of self-censorship on the part of political cartoonists and their editors. Censorship. Really. Over a cartoon.

I asked someone today what the big deal is here and they told me, “Extremists are stupid. Lets play some Katamari.” Now, this was from one of the most liberal people I know and, try as I might, I couldn’t come up with reasonable counter-argument. Extremists ARE stupid and it seems to me that religious extremists are reaching the top rung on the anti-Mensa ladder. Where the hell is the restraint? The understanding? The tolerance? Why is it that the only time I ever hear about the Islamic community is when some 12-year-old girl gets beaten to death for not wearing enough clothes? Or in conjunction with radical/terrorist activity of some sort? Sure, it’s easy to knee-jerk to the far right and blame the liberal-bias media or promenade to the far left and blame, well, the mainstream media, but that’s not solely where I get my news. Like many of you, I get my news from many different sources, left, right and centrist and the results are nearly always the same: some journalist telling me about how Islam is a religion of peace and the Quran preaches tolerance and how some idiot walked into an internet café and blew him or herself up. Because an Imam told him to. Now there is a 30K dollar bounty on people connected with this set of cartoons. Great, now the SAS has to go put fresh paint and carpet in Salman Rushdie’s old place. And, btw, where is this level of moral outrage when it comes to horrific prisoner abuse?

Now, again with my ethnocentricity (or theocentricity) but to my mind this is like a local bishop telling me to go kill a bunch of folks because a political satirist made a joke about choir-boy-groping priests.

"choir-boy-groping priests..."

So I don’t get it. Why not just boycotting the cable channel that aired the show containing the remark? And what's the contrition like for missing Bill Maher and accidentally hitting Ann Coulter? (Bless me father for I have missed my mark…) So, I’m trying to get it and I’m trying to be open-minded although I only have my limited frame of reference to try to make sense of things.

But I may have a solution, or a partial solution. They (we) need a spokesman. They (we) need the equivalent of Martin Luther King, Jr. elucidating from the rooftops that the gun-toting, anti-Semitic, anti-west jihadists do NOT represent them. Loudly. Forcefully and with conviction to any idiot with a camera. *sigh* Where are you Rev. Mohammed Luther King-Ali Jr.? We need your help.

I have always asserted that there will eventually be a karmic realigning of sorts, a snapping back to purpose, if you will. Call it ‘coming down off our collective sensationalistic-reactionary purple haze’ or even checking in with our common sense on a global scale. But it seems like it’s a long time in coming if it’s coming at all and I’m starting to despair.

Sweetness

2006-02-08T16:41:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my 12th wedding anniversary so I thought I would share with you, my hypothetical reader, a few of the things I like about my darling wife.

I love your eyes.
I love your smile.
I love the way you care for everyone in your life, barring none.
I love the way you stomp your little feet when you are angry.
I love the way your ass looks both in and out of jeans.
I love the way you made the things that are important to me important to you.
I love your laughter (even when its directed at me).
I love the way your hair smells.
I love the way you are always trying to improve yourself.
I love that we have interlocking body parts.
I love that you are smarter than me.
I love going to bed with you.
I love sleeping next to you.
I love that you are a clueless microbiologist.
I love watching our favorite shows together.
I love riding in a car with you, singing at the top of our lungs.
I love watching you interact with our boys.
Mostly, I love your awesomely huge heart and I would not trade a single moment of our married life for all the hot chocolate in the world.

I love you bebe=)

Rambling Man

2006-02-08T16:13:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, I’ve been engrossed in other media forms for about a week and a half – much to my delight=) lets see- on advice from my friend Evan I checked out what was happening in the DC comics universe and the new Stephen King zombie novel (ty Shareaza, you slow-assed but incredibly wealthy bitch) along with a few others. So for the last few days I have been lost- immersed, if you will- listening to Clive Owen reading “Cell” to me or watching the interactions of some of my favorite comic book characters. Btw, if you haven’t given comics a fair shake as a story-telling medium you should- forget whatever misconceptions you have about crappy, four-color, melodramatic serialized storylines that always seem to end with a villain caught in a bat-rope or with a steel girder wrapped around him and go over to Evan’s blog and pester him mercilessly about a tale that’s right for you. Truth be told, all of my positive comic book experiences comes from his wealth of knowledge with only one or two exceptions.
If you are feelin’ frisky and want to try exploring on your own, here are a few suggestions:

The Sandman by Neil Gaiman
-Thoughtful, compelling and thoroughly absorbing- if you are a fan of Neil Gaiman’s fiction you should not miss this.

The Watchmen by Alan Moore
-A multi-layered narrative about superhero archetypes and how they would function in a semi-realistic world. If for no other reason you should pick this up for the chapters dealing with Rorschach.

The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman
-Zombie movies generally deal with the event, i.e. the thing that causes the zombies to get up and get their groove on, and the ensuing 48-hr struggle for life… this book asks the obvious (and less explored) question, “What do we do now?” If you like the zombie genre you should definitely give this a shot.

The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller
-Ah, everyone’s favorite Caped Crusader (with all ‘POW!’ and the ‘CLANG!’ and the ‘BIFF!’) has retired and is living the good life… until Frank Miller steps in and describes for us in details both stunning and subtle just how frickin’ crazy Batman is. Not a little crazy like how if my car isn’t perfectly centered between the lines when I park, I’ll sometimes spend a minute or ten straightening it, no… deeply disturbed like with the gradual realization that there is no Bruce Wayne and that there may have never been one to begin with.

Starman by James Robinson
-I remember when Evan suggested this title to me I tried to figure out if it was someone I had heard of before and I said, “Oh, you mean that guy with the staff and nothing else interesting about him, right?” Well, being the good’un that he is Evan didn’t react violently or even caustically (as I prolly would today in any similar situation), he even went so far as to dig his entire collection of Starman comics out and piled them neatly on my desk. And I am very glad he did because I still haven’t read a story that appeals to me in as many ways as this one did. Very funny, very poignant, very human and all in a visual medium that had some familiar faces as well as new ones.

The only warning I may throw at you concerning this particular medium is this: whenever possible read the stories in the graphic novel form rather than as a collection of serialized monthlies. I was fortunate enough to have Evan as my guide for the most part and was therefore able to either read for myself entire story arcs or posit questions at him to fill in the holes. Not so with monthly serials…. Not only do you have to wait a month for your next 22-page fix but also often there are major story devices or dramatic elements that are not resolved in the title you are reading. Now, I understand the reasoning behind this and I’m cool with publishers making an extra buck or adding extra exposure to other titles but to me it’s a little like the crossovers that you see on television (something happens on Law and Order that gets concluded next Tuesday on SVU) with this glaring exception: you have to pay extra to get the rest of the story. That sucked. It could be said that this is all moot cause I get my comics free off of P2P systems but I don’t think it makes the point less valid. The little bit of Catholic guilt that’s hard-wired into me and usually tells me to go buy or at least rent the things that I bootleg was entirely silent in this instance. In fact, it made me not want to go and buy them, at least in the monthly form. So, stick to the graphic novels and save yourself the heartache. Or, at least the neurosis.

Geek-boy nostalgia

2006-01-28T16:53:00.000-08:00

Who laid down his life, you’re the one (you’re the one)
Never thought of giving up, never run (never run)
Oh, without your help we could not have won (not have won)
And you saved us all from kingdom come

Made of solid steel you weighed tons (many tons)
With exhaust pipes on your arms and a gun (yes a gun)
Oh, the Quintessons made you, you’re their son (you’re their son)
And your legacy had just begun…

And though Megatron has killed you,
We’ll continue, we’ll continue
We, the Autobots do thank you and
We will miss you, we will miss you…

Once Orion Pax now you’re Prime (now you’re Prime)
Your naïve-ness made you weak and you died (yes you died)
But the Aerialbots went through time (went through time)
To resurrect your body’s sweet design

On Cybertron we put up a fight (such a fight)
But the Decepticon’s raw power and might (oh, their might)
Forced us on to Earth and that was our plight (ugly plight)
And it seemed there was no hope in sight

And though Megatron has killed you,
We’ll continue, we’ll continue
We, the Autobots do thank you and
We will miss you, we will miss you…

They arrived on our base after dawn (after dawn)
In a shuttle that they stole that belonged (that belonged)
To a crew delivering enerjon (enerjon)
Which we needed to reach Cybertron

Everything was going so wrong (oh so wrong)
Until you careened right at them headlong (yes, headlong)
With the Matrix in your chest beating strong (beating strong)
In astonishment we all looked on…

And though Megatron has killed you,
We’ll continue, we’ll continue
We, the Autobots do thank you and
We will miss you, we will miss you…

Till all are one…

"The Death Of Optimus Prime" by Mr. McFeely

btw, Michael Bay, if you fuck up this movie I will personally hunt you down, skin you and mount your skull above my rig as a geek-boy uber-trophy.

Geek-Boy Whimsy

2006-01-26T13:38:00.000-08:00

This is me every other Friday night... sad, nerdly performance anxiety. This week, I think, my friend Stan is running his game based on The Wheel Of Time. Yay, Stan.

First Review of '06!

2006-01-26T10:35:00.000-08:00

Movies are kinda my thing and so I can't help commenting on them. Neat fan-boy stuff coming up soon like the 3-hour super-extended edition DVD of the original Dune, complete with an alternate ending. The Passion of The Clerks. Uber-gross looking but must-be-seen SLiTHER. But, along with the good there must, of course, come the bad. Movies like Bloodrayne. Ultraviolet. Basic Instinct 2. (I swear). Of the 100-plus movie trailers at Quicktime.com, 18 of them are remakes or sequels or –even worse- movies based on a video game. That’s not even counting the movies that are based on books and comics. What the hell has happened to movies? Wait, lets narrow our scope here a bit: What the HELL has happened to the horror genre? A disturbing number of horror movies nowadays are rated PG-13. Is the target audience for movies like “Cursed” or “The Amitiville Horror” really 13-year-old girls and, if so, why the hell can’t they just sneak into an R-rated film like we did when we were in junior high rather than being the rationale behind craptastic and watered-down fare? When did horror movies stop being made for an adult audience? Whose idea was it to turn “The Fog” into a WB made-for-TV afterschool special? Goddamit, I LIKE Selma Blair! Make good movies, Selma Blair!
I went ahead and rented “The Fog” last night so take it from me: this movie is an epic voyage of majesty and wonder… if you are drunk from drinking aftershave or if your head is still spinning from too much Katamari. Lets see how this opus stacks up to my checklist:

Who was involved? Lets see… there was TV’s Superboy… dead bitchy-chick from Lost… Selma Blair (gawd-DAMMIT Selma!) and directed by Rupert Wainwright who is most famous for directing things like “Please Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em: The Movie”. -check

What production company? That would be Revolution Studios… the same ass-hats that brought you “XXX-State Of The Union” and “Daddy Day-Care”. -ug, check

When was it released? Halloween ’05… no big surprise there, the best way to cash in on an unsuspecting horror audience is to release it during date-season (Feb) or scare-season (Halloween). -check

How long was it in post-production? I honestly don’t know the answer to this but I can tell you it went from conception in March 05 to raping the senses of moviegoers in October 05 so it couldn’t have been very long… and it really shows! Even a casual viewer will be discomfited by the jarring continuity problems or the gaping holes in the story, both things that should have been fixed in post-production. -check

On top of all this, this movie had one of the stoopidest dramatic elements I’ve ever seen outside of a Scooby-Doo mystery: After Superboy’s friend gets accused of a grisly murder, the gang discovers at the crime scene a small camcorder and decides to take it because (not joking here) it might exonerate their friend! I swear, the dialog went like this:
Him- Here, I found this (the camcorder) on the boat. Take it, keep it safe.
Her- It’s a piece of evidence!
Him- It might prove that Spooner (the friend) is innocent, just keep it safe!

In the movie the scene feels just like it reads here: that the main lead is trying to ensure that the evidence that may help his friend never falls into the hands of the police! I’m going to create a new movie award category just for this scene called the “Buddy-Fucker” Award or possibly the “That’s What You Get For Having The Temerity To Be A Minority In A Horror Movie” Award.

All in all, the movie stank, just like the formula said it would. Buy it? Dear lord, no. Rent it for the purposes of mild piracy? Nope. Borrow it from a friend who copied it before watching it (the bane of my existence) solely to make fun of it MST3K-style? Yup, but only after a whole lot of Katamari.

Fushing Feefs!

2006-01-20T10:51:00.000-08:00

Recently I broke my own taboo about visiting my friends’ blogs and I’m here to tell ya’, I’m glad I did=) It helps me find out what’s going on in my friends’ lives and what they are thinking. For instance: I had no idea that my buddy Ryan has a quasi-poetic soul. Or that my buddy Drew has a girlfriend. Or that my friend Shel is thinking about surgery (although I think she’s hot the way she is). I am also deeply ashamed to admit that I am one of the Ass-Hats that forgot my friend Evan's anniversary (but I’m hoping to try to make it up to them this weekend).
It’s also cool to visit these other blogs cause I get to steal html code and memes from them! Here are a couple I stole today, one for you to fill out, one for me to fill out, both about me!

1. Your name: [Never mind. I can totally tell by your comments.]
2. Where did we meet?
3. Take a stab at my middle name:
4. What is the name of my personal religion?
5. How long have you known me?
6. What was your first impression of me upon our first meeting, real or virtual?
7. Color of my eyes:
8. Do I have any siblings?
9. What's one of my favorite things to do?
10. Do you remember one of the first things I said/wrote to you?
11. What's my favorite type of music?
12. What is my best feature?
13. Am I shy or outgoing?
14. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules?
15. What's your favorite memory of me?
16. Any special talents:
17. Would you consider me a friend?
18. If there were one good nickname for me, what would it be?
19. If you and I were stranded on a deserted island, what is the one thing I would bring?

ABC's
A - Age of first kiss: hmm… first romantic kiss? 12
B - Band listening to right now: Juliana Hatfield
C- Crush on: Mila Kunis (shes just so tiny and cute)
D - Dad's name: Wilburt
E - Easiest person to talk to: God
F - Favorite Song: atm? Aaron Lewis’ cover of Pearl Jam’s Black
G – Greatest Love: My fam, hands down
H- Hometown: The entire Yuba-Sutter area (sadly)
I – Instrument: Guitar
J- Junior High: Franklin Elementary
K - Kids: Yup, 2 of em
L - Longest car ride ever: From CA to TX with a very pregnant wife.
M - Mum's name: Pai
N – Nicknames: Poppy & The Artist Formerly Known As Yoshi
O - One wish: Money
P- Phobias: Rail-Road crossings
Q - Quote(s): “You killed Church, you team-killing fucktard!”
R - Reason to smile: My fam, again
S – Something You Love to Do: Right Now? Rolling things up, Katamari-style
T – Time you woke up today: around 8
U – Unknown fact about me: I really am a Republican
V - Vegetable you hate: Veggie Tales
W - Worst Boyfriend/Girlfriend? Linda-something-or-other
X - X-rays you've had: lots
Y - Yummy food: Rib-eye steaks (as seen on ‘Cooking with Chris’)
Z - Zodiac sign: Pisces

Shiny Goodness

2006-01-19T18:44:00.000-08:00

This morning when I was getting ready to go to an appointment I noticed that I had an awful lot of hair care products cluttering up my side of the bathroom and, to make matters worse, I was running out of said hair care products. So, rather than wear a hat or spend 30 frustration-filled minutes coaxing the fab out of my ‘do I decided to just shave it off. So, so long awesome trademark ‘do (complete with superman spit curl), see ya in about 2-3 months!

Btw- iff’n you’re thinking about doin this, 2 things- 1) be sure to pick up a nice lotion/sunblock and 2) if youre gonna do it yourself, be sure you have the mirror/new razor/tear-free shampoo before you get in the shower! I luv my missus because I had even less than none of these things ready and she was there to help me out with every step=)

-oh, and if anyone asks I'm protesting stuff. WE WILL OVERCOME... stuff!

Smurf-a-licious

2006-01-13T19:46:00.000-08:00

Everyone MUST check out Sierra's naughty Smurf post, omg=)

..now THATS my kind of wholesome goodness!